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Helping Shouldn’t Hurt: 5 Financial Boundaries to Set with Jelisha Gatling 

Episode Cover Helping Shouldn't Hurt 5 Financial Boundaries to Set with Jelisha Gatling

“Normally it looks like, ‘I’m going to slide my fee for this person’ or ‘my client is going through something, so I’m going to slide their fee,’ but that also can come with some resentment, especially if it’s just ongoing, and you haven’t really talked about if this is going to shift at any point. I like to help therapists to explore ways to give back that aren’t at your financial or emotional expense.  Helping shouldn’t hurt.”

~Jelisha Gatling

Meet Jelisha Gatling

Jelisha Gatling is an LMFT who works with couples and helps therapists to boost the boundaries in their private practice. With an “anti-hustle” style, she helps therapists thrive financially sans burnout.

In this Episode...

Do you struggle with setting and enforcing boundaries? In this important episode, Linzy talks with guest Jelisha Gatling whose work focuses on helping therapists better serve others by taking care of themselves. Jelisha outlines some clear boundaries that benefit therapists and help them have healthy, sustainable practices.

Listen in to get concrete advice on specific examples of boundaries that therapists often need help establishing and enforcing. Start putting those boundaries in place today so that you can have more fulfilling and sustainable practice.

Connect with Jelisha Gatling

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At the end, you’ll be invited to join Money Skills for Therapists and get Linzy’s support in getting your finances finally working for you.

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Episode Transcript

Jelisha [00:00:02] Normally it looks like, Oh, I’m going to slide the fee for this person or my client is going through something, so I’m going to slide their fee. But that also can come with some resentment, especially if it’s just ongoing and you haven’t really talked about if this is going to shift at any point. I really like to help therapists to sort of explore ways to give back that aren’t at your financial or emotional expense. Helping shouldn’t hurt. 

 

Linzy [00:00:28] Welcome to the Money Skills For Therapists podcast, where we answer this question How can therapists and health practitioners go from money, shame and confusion to feeling calm and confident about their finances and get money really working for them in both their private practice and their lives? I’m your host Linzy Bonham therapist turned money coach and creator of the Course Money Skills For Therapists. Hello and welcome back to the podcast. So today’s episode for our season closure for season four of the podcast. I invited back Jelisha Gatling. So Jelisha is a therapist. She was a coach in Money Skills For Therapists for about a year. She’s a grad of Money Skills For Therapists. She used to coach for LIMB as well. Lean in Make Bank, Tiffany’s program. Now she does her own consulting with therapists. She does VIP days focusing around boundaries. And that is exactly what I invited her to talk about today when I was thinking about how do we finish off season four? Jelisha immediately came to mind because I love the work that she’s doing around boundaries. Looking at private practice from a boundary perspective, looking at how not enforcing our boundaries leaves money on the table for therapists. But also, you know, being aware of the costs of not enforcing our boundaries, even in a personal sense. So if you find yourself feeling frustrated sometimes in your private practice or annoyed, resentful, exhausted, this episode is definitely for you. Jelisha shares five Financial Boundaries That Therapists Struggle With, where setting and enforcing those boundaries will completely change your experience of your practice. And we also got into this really powerful conversation about helping and beliefs about helping and how things should feel and how that also connects to our boundaries in private practice. Here is my conversation with Jelisha Gatling. So Jelisha, welcome back to the podcast. 

 

Jelisha [00:02:34] Thank you so much for having me again. It’s an honor to be back. 

 

Linzy [00:02:37] I am so excited to have you back. This is going to be our season closer for season four. Not to bring up the pressure again, but as I was thinking about who would I want to have, you immediately came to mind. And the thing that I actually immediately thought about is all this work that you’ve been doing around therapists and boundaries in their practice. Can you tell folks just a little bit about kind of that work that you do with therapists? 

 

Jelisha [00:03:01] Yeah, so I work primarily- I do some VIP days with therapists and also have some extended 1 to 1 work that I do with them working on really recognizing where they may be leaving money on the table. And I find that typically that’s always tied to a boundary that is not firm, that’s not clear, or that needs to be reset, because sometimes you do have to reset boundaries as your practice grows and changes. And really helping them to see where they may be leaving money on the table and what kind of boundaries they need to firm up and what really aligns with their values. If that’s around policy, that’s around really like walking the walk, not just talking the talk, and really helping them to have a language to communicate to clients and exploring how to communicate that to clients if they have fears or anxiety. Because a lot of therapists have anxiety about losing clients or clients getting mad and so really giving them a lot of support around all of those fears that can keep them from having a practice that really works for them. 

 

Linzy [00:04:04] I love that framing of boundaries because I think this is a topic, you know, that we could talk about in a lot of ways. And certainly folks think about like their policies or their fee. But I think framing these things as boundaries shows where they’re all kind of similar. And also, to me, speaks to the fact that these are really personal. You know, boundaries are personal. What is one person’s boundary – what’s your boundary – might not be my boundary. And so I love that, too, of really highlighting the fact that these are very personal and kind of linked to our emotions and our feelings and probably like messages in our body can give us clues about what’s working and what’s not working. 

 

Jelisha [00:04:39] Yes, they absolutely do. Mm hmm. 

 

Linzy [00:04:42] So I’m curious, what are some of these boundaries that you see therapists struggling with in their private practices? 

 

Jelisha [00:04:49] Well, so one that I see that I think, for a lot of therapists I work with, they haven’t really recognized. It’s something that I tend to assess for, is when you have clients who are hitting their goals and they say, hey, how about we start seeing each other bi-weekly or monthly? Or maybe you even make that suggestion because it makes sense clinically. I think it’s really important that you sort of preplan what spots in your calendar are going to solely be for bi-weekly or monthly or whatever, less frequent clients, let’s say maybe you even do check-in sessions. I have specific blocks on my calendar that are for those specifically, and this really helps because I’ve heard so much frustration, I’ve experienced that myself where I’ve said, okay, you will do that, and I give them the same spot and then someone, you know, wants to come in and I am stretching myself to try to find a spot for a new client that actually isn’t in my ideal schedule, if that makes sense. 

 

Linzy [00:05:50] Yeah. 

 

Jelisha [00:05:51] So that you’re not just saying yes to someone or saying yes to be a people pleaser, if that’s something that you maybe struggle with, you want to say, hey, actually I have specific bi weekly spots. This is what I have available right now. Literally on my calendar, I have any biweekly spots that are open available. You know, I think it’s really good to set sort of an amount, a minimum amount and make sure that’s during a time that isn’t going to annoy you. So, you know, something that might be before your last session and let’s say it’s not full at that time, that might not be the best place to put your moments of instability, but let clients know upfront. I just had a new couple starting and they said, So what happens when we want to become less than once a week? Like, do you do that? I said yes, but you will not be guaranteed the spot. It’s based on what bi weekly availability I have, which is different. And they were like, okay, that makes sense. So it’s not a surprise. And really it helps you not to stretch yourself too thin, but also it affects your money. It really does. So, it’s just something that you want to be- when you think about your ideal schedule and you’re laying that out, you want to also account for those kinds of shifts that will likely happen. 

 

Linzy [00:07:02] And something that occurs to me when you’re talking about this, is again thinking about it being boundaries and personal. It’s also going to depend on how you like to work with people and how you tend to work with people. So what I’m kind of gathering from what you’re saying is biweekly is not probably your ideal or common way of working with folks. Is that accurate or. 

 

Jelisha [00:07:18] Well, not initially. 

 

Linzy [00:07:19] Yeah. Like in my practice, if I think back, something that was really caught to me is I also had biweekly spots, but those spots were really popular, right? Because I did EMDR and, you know, worked with folks on often like family of origin, like old, old stuff. And some folks coming bi-weekly actually worked quite well for them because it was like so intense. The work was so intense that it was like nice to have sat a long time in between. So it’s really common that I had biweekly clients, but I had the specific biweekly spots. So it’s like two clients would be sharing a spot, but they would be very much set in my schedule. So I don’t have like one bi weekly person hanging out here on Thursday at three, but then got nobody the next week. Like it’s like that was very common in my, in my practice. But again, having that clear spot, you know, what I’m hearing is part of the pain of it is if you have spots that you don’t think through and then it’s biweekly, you can have it so that, as you say, like it’s a spot before your last spot. So every Thursday you have like a three hour gap in your afternoon every other week that you’re like, God damn this gap. 

 

[00:08:13] Exactly. 

 

[00:08:13] Right? And so again, that’s very personal. But I love, yeah, that bringing that intention to what your schedule needs to look like and being proactive about it too. 

 

Jelisha [00:08:22] Yeah, being proactive about it. And yeah, it’s, it’s really helpful to set up those expectations upfront. And I’ll talk at the end about my, my freebie that sort of addresses how to sort of change if you’re already in the thick of, Oh my gosh, this is a mess, how can I change it? There there are ways to reset that. 

 

Linzy [00:08:40] I love that. And something else that I love about this proactivity is like sometimes I think that these things kind of take us by surprise, but they shouldn’t because we know we know that when we’re working with somebody for long enough, eventually they’ll be like, I don’t think I need to come so much. We’ll be like, I don’t think you need to come so much. So it’s not a surprise. But when we don’t plan in advance and set those boundaries in advance, it can take us by surprise. And then we’re like, Oh, okay, yeah, you can just stay in the spot. Like, I love the boundaries, not just being reactive in this case, but being proactive. 

 

Jelisha [00:09:09] Totally. Yes. And it’s like all you have to do. All I have to do is look at my calendar and I can tell you what biweekly spots I have available. Same with when someone needs to reschedule. I have spots in my calendar. 

 

Linzy [00:09:21] Yes. so good. So what other boundaries? 

 

Jelisha [00:09:26] Okay, so the second one, it’s very connected to the first one, but you want to set clear expectations for clients when they come in for what they have to- I guess what expectations do you expect them to meet, to hold their spot? So this can come up when you let’s say you have a client who they cancel kind of frequently, but they always do it within your cancellation policy. So that’s 48 hours perhaps that they’re always getting in there within that 48 hours to cancel. But maybe it’s two weeks before you see them again and you’re holding this like primetime spot for them. And so I run into that initially. And, you know, it’s kind of uncomfortable and difficult to try to talk about that if you haven’t outlined that in your paperwork and it hasn’t been an issue that you verbally express. And so- and this can be anything, I’m not going to say that there’s a perfect way to do it. But what feels right for you. For me, if you don’t reschedule within the same week for more than two times, basically once goes past two times, we’re having a conversation and your spot may be released. Well, that’s kind of how I go about it, but it really can look- it can look however it works for you. It’s really personal, and it may change also, but it needs to be clear so that you’re not, Oh, I hope they don’t do this again. Or, you know, you’re going back and forth. 

 

Linzy [00:10:45] Or like, Ugh, they did it again. Now what do I do? Yup. I love that extra layer because, as you say, like sometimes we have policies that are like, as you say, like cancelation window, you know, like give me 48 hours notice. So it’s like technically they’re following your policy and yet you’re still getting that like, “Oh, no” reaction. Right. Yeah. Which is a sign that maybe your policy is not clear enough. So being clear about those expectations. Yeah. And something that I think about with this too is like, it’s going to depend on you and also your client population, right, and who you want to serve. Who you do serve. So like sometimes, sometimes I noticed this with folks like in Money Skills For Therapists, for instance, like when we’re having these conversations where it’s like, well, that doesn’t feel good to me. And it’s like, that’s an example, you know, we need to set our own, but it’s thinking about like, who do you serve? Who do you want to keep serving? You know, what makes sense for that population, but still having expectations, not just like anything goes. Just because you work with moms who are busy, it doesn’t mean that your schedule is just whatever. 

 

Jelisha [00:11:41] Exactly. Yeah. So just being clear on- because the boundary is only as good as the response. Right. That’s essentially what you want to set up. So attendance and around rescheduling, I mean that I can name four or five different ways that you might approach that. So yeah, really being clear about that and going over that in that initial session. And again, if that changes at some point in the middle of treatment, bringing that up and saying, hey, there are some changes going on in my practice. This is what’s up. 

 

Linzy [00:12:11] Okay, so what’s our next boundary? I know you have a few that you brought so I want to make sure we hit them all. 

 

Jelisha [00:12:17] So another one is this. This idea of a therapist wanting to give back and giving back in their business. And so that normally it looks like, oh, I’m going to slide the fee for this person. Or my client is going through some things, I’m going to slide their fee. But that also can come with some resentment and sort of especially if it’s just ongoing and you haven’t really talked about if this is going to shift at any point. And it’s frustrating. And so I really like to help therapists to sort of explore ways to give back that aren’t at your financial or emotional expense. And so especially if you’re in a position where you really can’t afford to have a pro-bono spot or a sliding scale spot. And I think it’s because I think you can set up sort of an idea of what that would look like when I am able to do that. But in the meantime, this could be creating a course, a workshop. You know, people create really cool things that clients or potential clients could utilize while they’re maybe continuing on their search or in addition to referrals that you might give them. It could be a page of really great book resources. It could be, you know, running a group that would be a lower cost that’s still serving the population that you like to work with. Really highlighting that sliding the fee isn’t the only way to give back. And I always say, like helping shouldn’t hurt. Helping is- that’s supposed to be like a generous feels-good thing. If it hurts and it doesn’t feel good. You’re not helping. 

 

Linzy [00:13:43] Oh, my gosh. That’s so good. 

 

Jelisha [00:13:46] Yeah. 

 

Linzy [00:13:47] Yeah. That- helping shouldn’t hurt. And the other thing that you said that similar idea, but so good, of giving back in ways that doesn’t cost you emotionally or financially. Because, you know, I think that that helping shouldn’t hurt piece really gets at something that is a belief that I think a lot of therapists unconsciously have that helping hurts. Right. Like so it makes you think about the opposite there of like the conditioning that we have often before I think we get into this field from experiences of our life or our family of origin or just societal messages about being women or being people of color and sacrificing yourself and you’re not valuable. I’m getting like chills in my body. 

 

Jelisha [00:14:25] No, I- but even like as a black woman. I mean, it’s you know, there’s this narrative of be the strong black woman to the head of the household. You you take on everything. You’re strong. And so I think a lot of therapists can almost approach it like, well, they’re really going through it. It’s not as bad. Like, I have more privilege or things aren’t so bad. You know what? I can I can just sort of give this away even though I make it tough because they need it. So it’s really putting them first. Right. But again, I say, is that coming from a full cup? If you’re stressing about making rent, if you’re stressing about, you know, you want to do more supervision, but you’re not able to. Yeah. You know, you’ve got to really weigh that out. And again, I don’t say, okay, you don’t have to do anything, but just explore what else giving back could look like during this period in your in your practice. 

 

Linzy [00:15:16] Yeah, because something I think about, too, and I think if folks are listening and the idea of, like, taking care of yourself or having a full cup is like too far. Maybe a first step to thinking about this is how is it impacting the folks in your life, like your kids or your partner or your ability to be present for your parents who need you when you’re giving so much that you’re depleted financially or emotionally? Right. So like, if you can’t think about taking care of yourself yet, think about those people who are actually your inner circle and who you love and who who really need you like. I often think about this that being a parent, like my clients used to think that they really needed me. My son really needs me. Right. There’s a difference there. Right. Anybody can find another therapist. My son is not going to fight another mom if I’m emotionally unavailable and exhausted and not present for him. So that might be something like as a gateway thing for folks who are listening to think about is, yeah, there’s costs to us and there’s cost to people around us when helping hurts. 

 

Jelisha [00:16:12] That is such a great- I’m so glad you brought that piece up because it’s making me think of a lot of therapists that I’ve worked with who have said to me, I’m like, if this were to be helpful to you, what would be happening, right? Like in the future? And they say, I would actually want to talk to my partner when I get home. I wouldn’t want to curl up in a ball. I wouldn’t be annoyed at my kid wanting to tell me about their day. And those are the things that like matter. And yeah, this is so much bigger than just money in the bank. 

 

Linzy [00:16:39] Mm hmm. Totally. Yeah. Okay. What’s your next boundary? That was so good. 

 

Jelisha [00:16:45] The boundary is not giving away your professional services for free. So when I say this, when I’m talking about therapy specifically, I’m talking about maybe acquaintances, friends, family who try to really utilize you and emotionally dump on you as a therapist. So that can be costly, it’s draining, and you just don’t want to set that precedence that you’re available for that. In addition, there are so many therapists who have who maybe do consulting, who are supervisors, who maybe do workshops. And I’ve been in the position where I’ve had old colleagues, schoolmates from grad school reaching out like, Hey, can I pick your brain or can I have this workshop for free? I would do it. But I would become resentful after a while. And I realized this is like- this is money I’m leaving on the table. But also I don’t feel good about it because people sometimes can push. You know what I mean? And so there’s there’s something about charging for your services. Like, for example, if you are licensed as a supervisor and you provide supervision, I mean, unless it’s totally in your heart, I mean it completely in your heart. And it’s good. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do it, but if you are saying, Hey, I need to make more money, I am stretched thin, I need more free time. And you’re making time in your calendar to give away professional services that you actually charge for. You know, you’re contributing to that. You’re playing a part in maintaining that. And so I help therapists to really how to have that conversation, how to respond to those emails that say, Hey, can I pick your brain? I saw you on X, Y, Z. How to do that kindly. You know, it goes something like maybe responding with, you know, hey, is this- I think this might have been something that you maybe shared with me years ago, Linzy. You remember, don’t you? 

 

Linzy [00:18:36] I do, yes. 

 

Jelisha [00:18:37] You say it’s something to the effect of, you know, is this going to be sort of just a like catch up friend kind of thing or are we talking business? If so, here’s my link. 

 

Linzy [00:18:47] Or here’s the schedule here. 

 

Jelisha [00:18:48] Right. 

 

Linzy [00:18:49] Yes. And the line that I have used in the past is, if you want to talk about business, let’s make this a consulting session so I can bring my full consulting brain and give you, you know, exactly what you’re looking for, like making that clear delineation, right? Like, are we friends who are catching up or are you getting business advice from me? Because if you’re getting business advice, I’m not going to come with stories about my kid. I’m going to come ready to actually serve you and you’re going to pay me for it. Something that I’ve been thinking about the last couple, especially in the last year, I’d say, Jelisha, is also the cost to you in terms of your experience of yourself when you let this happen. I know for me personally, I was not good at building healthy relationships in my younger life. So I’ve built relationships where there’s a precedent, where I am the therapist and I am the caregiver, and when we get together, they’re going to emotionally lean on me and they’re not going to ask me about myself or they’re not going to ask me about this hard things happening in my life. And especially in the last couple months, I would say like I’ve really made a decision of like, I’m not doing that anymore. And it’s hard. It’s hard, right? Because in some cases, that actually means saying goodbye to people. 

 

Jelisha [00:19:54] Yeah. 

 

Linzy [00:19:55] Yeah. Like that. That actually ends up being the boundary of like this is not actually a relationship I’m going to continue investing in. You know, it’s not because of who they are. It’s nothing fixed, but it’s like we’ve built this thing that works a certain way. And I think if we met today, we probably wouldn’t become friends. And who I’ve grown into, I’m not willing to put myself into this position because I notice for myself, like feeling that like, you know, empowered boss energy, if you want to say it a certain way, like, yes, what I do is valuable and I’m like, I’m changing people’s lives and I’m getting emails from people who are like, You totally change the way I think about money. Feeling that way over here and then going for a friend date where afterwards I feel, like, used and uneducated and like I don’t matter. And then like it’s not, it’s not worth the cost, right? The cost becomes so much more clear when you do start to have people who value what you have to offer. And so, yeah, this one for me really like I feel it deeply and it’s a hard one. It can be a really hard one to either change those dynamics or have to say goodbye to folks. 

 

Jelisha [00:20:46] Yeah, definitely been ghosted by some people that I thought I would be like lifelong colleagues. But yeah. 

 

Linzy [00:20:54] Yeah, I’ve been ghosted, like when you set a boundary like this or- 

 

Jelisha [00:20:58] Oh yes. Like responded with that, like, never heard from them again. All of a sudden I can’t see them on Instagram. I mean like-

 

Linzy [00:21:03] Oh wow. 

 

Jelisha [00:21:05] That are like, come on, we worked together. And I’m like, no, actually, like this is something I- literally this is like a part of my income. This is how I make a living now. You know?

 

Linzy [00:21:13] And that tells you so much about how much they actually value what you do. I’ve had folks before ask me if I could give them consultation, but charge it as like social work so they could use their insurance. I’m like, first of all, that’s insurance fraud. Secondly, you’re literally willing to pay me $0 for this thing that I’m like, that is my specialty and that like I really thrive in and have a lot of gifts to share with you. You literally value it, not even at $0, but like will you fraud for me? Like, wow, no, I will not fraud for you. Yeah. And like, what is that? You know, what is the impact of on us of that when folks like so devalue or are willing to talk to us again when we set a boundary around what our services are worth? Oof. 

 

Jelisha [00:21:58] Yes, it can be tough. 

 

Linzy [00:21:59] Yeah, it can. And I think, like, that’s something to really recognize and validate, like, as we’re talking about these boundaries is some of these might be easier and some of them will be harder and some of them you won’t be able to set right away. They might be things that you need to like get support from your partner or other friends to like shore yourself up to have conversations. Boundaries are hard. Boundaries are hard. 

 

Jelisha [00:22:18] But it does get easier. Like, would you like you feel like this particular one has gotten easier for you? I feel like it’s gotten easier for me. 

 

Linzy [00:22:24] Yeah, I think so. Like, I think that the parts of me that believe that I have something of value to offer, that I have value, that my friendship is also valuable. Those parts, I think, have started to get bigger relative to the parts that that put me into these positions and that help me build relationships where I wasn’t valued and where I was kind of used for many, many years. And so I think that that it’s been a big internal shift that by doing it’s kind of like fake it to make it right. Like you set the boundary first. And the first I was like, Oh, that was so hard. And then you do it again. And then eventually you start to actually believe like, No, I actually don’t deserve to be treated like this. Yeah, it’s so it does get easier. But I think in this kind of like profound deep work way, something changes on a deeper level that makes it easier the more you do it. 

 

Jelisha [00:23:09] Yeah. And you get responses that are like, okay, or they show up in your calendar right away and you’re like, oh my God, totally. 

 

Linzy [00:23:16] Yes. That is the other side of it. Right. And I have had those responses too, where people are like, oh, no, no, of course I’m paying you like, you know, set up a time and then we do great work together and then it feels great and we still have this, like, friendly relationship over here. But now – and I can think of a particular colleague who comes to mind, but now it’s also like they’re like, you know, I think of one wonderful colleague who sent me a text out of the blue of like, I have built a successful practice. It is all because of you. Thank you so much. And so it’s like we have this, like loving, collegial relationship. But also she’s actually gotten the full success of having worked with me because she paid me and we actually work together rather than her trying to pick my brain over coffee. 

 

Jelisha [00:23:49] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So everybody wins. 

 

Linzy [00:23:51] Everybody wins when boundaries are held. Do you have another one? 

 

Jelisha [00:23:54] Yeah. It’s kind of like when it’s more like let’s say you’re in a position where you’re like, I don’t really know. What if I need to set boundaries? I feel like I have them. I’m not sure. I’m wondering what I might not be, what I might be overlooking. I say, ask yourself and sort of maybe just clock over a week or two. What’s annoying you? What’s on in your business? What email are you maybe avoiding? Or are you rolling your eyes when you see? Because a lot of times that will highlight something that you- a boundary that needs to be set, reset, or clarified and likely is tied to money in some way like. It impacts your money in some way. And so that would be a way to sort of try and assess where your boundaries might be a little blurry. And so, yeah, just that’s the place that I tend to start with with clients is just kind of listening for where are their annoyances, what are, what are their frustrations? And they usually are reoccurring ones. If every week you’re like, Oh, I have two cancelations, you know, you want to like look into that and see what that might be about. 

 

Linzy [00:24:55] Yes, totally. When I think of that, too immediately comes to mind. I’m like, what are the the messages that I’m avoiding responding to? Those are also showing me like for some reason there’s something there that I don’t want to deal with. And when I think about the examples that come to my mind, they are boundary things with folks asking for things that I should probably be paying me for or asking another professional that they’re paying rather than asking me. So that’s a good one. And I feel like that comes exactly full circle with what I was saying at the beginning that I love about this boundary approach is like it is so personal and your body is going to tell you, right? You’re going to feel in your body like that annoyance or contraction, or you’re gonna see yourself avoiding if your boundaries are not being respected somewhere or need to be reinforced. 

 

Jelisha [00:25:34] Yeah. Yeah. So good glance at your calendar. Just like looking at each name I’ve done that look for and seeing what comes up and if I’m like, Oh, I can’t wait for this one to be over. It might be because these people, this couple goes over 20 minutes. They don’t go over. I let them go over. 

 

Linzy [00:25:50] Right. Yeah. 

 

Jelisha [00:25:52] You know, that’s a boundary that I need to set. And so, you know, that’s an example. 

 

Linzy [00:25:56] And clinically, too, it makes you think about also clients that are not right fit or where they are being inappropriate and violating your boundaries. And and I’ve talked to a therapist about this before of like how having even one or two clients on your caseload that are stressing you out or there’s just like a whole load of like transference and it’s very messy. Can like completely change your experience of your practice. Yes, you can have ten other lovely sessions that week, but those two sessions that stress the shit out of you can really impact your relationship to the work that you’re doing. And I found for myself, you know, when I talk about boundaries, those are cases where I’ve had to like refer clients out and stop working with them. And that has been really hard for me. I remember getting tons of supervision around having to have these conversations and that fear of clients reactions and like, but it was 150% the right decision in those cases where there’s somebody that I’m just dreading and I feel awful after I see them. It’s not worth the cost. I’m not I’m also not being effective as a clinician, if that’s my internal response. Exactly right. I’m clearly not actually vibing with this person in a way that’s going to be helpful for them. 

 

Jelisha [00:26:58] Yeah, I can totally resonate with that. 

 

Linzy [00:27:00] Jelisha, thank you so much. 

 

Jelisha [00:27:03] Thank you for having me. 

 

Linzy [00:27:04] So if folks want to get further into your world, first of all, where can they find you, follow you, learn more about you. 

 

Jelisha [00:27:12] Yeah, they can find me at @savingthesaver. S-A-V-E-R, not savior. Saver. 

 

Linzy [00:27:19] Saver. That’s you, listener, are you are the saver. You save others. And Jelisha’s going to save you. 

 

Jelisha [00:27:24] That’s my title on everything. The website, Instagram, TikTok. 

 

Linzy [00:27:29] Beautiful. Yeah, you’re on Tik Tok, eh? 

 

Jelisha [00:27:31] Yeah. I think with that I have a different persona over there. 

 

Linzy [00:27:36] Do you? I know it’s good. It’s good. I quit it because I was deeply addicted, but it’s good. There’s so many good things about it. We’ll have that conversation off mic. And then if folks want to get something from you, you’ve made it- like you’ve alluded to. Tell us about this offer you have. 

 

Jelisha [00:27:49] You know, this is something that’s been a long time in the making that I have. I provide it to a lot of the VIP’s I’ve worked with and I’m like, People need this. And so I’ve created a set of templates, emails that you can save in your Gmail. And I’m just I’ve come up with four that are real must haves. There is a set that is just simply that you can have for when you have just general inquiries coming in. And it really like for me at least lays out and articulates the dealbreakers, all the things that might come up so that you don’t spend precious time on a consultation. And then at the end you’re, you know, having to talk about insurance or this that third and so this is the I about has tremendously increased my consultation to client conversion rate. Yeah, it’s just been helpful. So I have that. I also have one when you are raising your fee because that’s a really tough one that a lot of therapists struggle with and I say email you’re going to have the conversation. So like you’re stuck doing it. You can’t keep avoiding it. Also, if there’s being a change in availability or like what we were talking about with the the rescheduling, I have one for that. If you have a chance for that and then consultation follow up. Yeah, this is not something that I do with every consultation. But have you ever had that consultation where you’re vibing you- this client is like 110% your ideal client, you know, you’re going to book them. And then there’s a little bit of, Oh, I got to check on my work. If I can get off earlier, I have to check my husband or whatever. And so I follow up about a week later, only if I felt like, Oh, we are set, and say, Hey, just checking in, I know you were checking on X, Y, Z wanted to let you know, my door is still open. Let me know if you want to start, here’s what I need from you. If you want to start and have the time, they just need a friendly nudge reminder. I just think sometimes therapists will leave money on the table in that way. 

 

Linzy [00:29:41] So you’ve got these four great templates. People can just like load them into their Gmail and what is that called on your website so folks can go and get those template. 

 

Jelisha [00:29:48] Four must have email templates for therapists and private practice. 

 

Linzy [00:29:52] Beautiful. And I love this because you’re automating boundaries. Yeah, well, the last ones reach out, but like a lot of these are like, you know, it seems to me like, kind of like proactive. So go over to Jelisha’s website, Saving the saver, get these four templates. Jelisha, thank you so much for joining me today. 

 

Jelisha [00:30:08] Thank you, Linzy. 

 

Linzy [00:30:23] In that conversation with Jelisha. You know, I said it at the time, and I will say it again. I got chills talking about beliefs about helping and how helping should hurt, you know, would be the opposite. You know, she said helping shouldn’t hurt. I think that so many of us believe that helping should hurt. And we get that message from society because of who we are in society, because of our gender or race or our class. We’re told that we’re not important, we’re positioned to give ourselves away to others and not think about our own needs as valid. We also get it in our profession, right from our professional training or from our experiences of being helpers. That helping does hurt. Helping should hurt. And I think there’s even the belief that if you don’t hurt, you’re not helping. So powerful to dig into those beliefs that can really stop us from enforcing our boundaries. But if you want to have a career that lasts, if you want to stay in this profession and I think also if you want to be able to do this work, not at the cost of your your partner, your family, your parents, your kids, it is so important to find a relationship with helping that doesn’t hurt and that feels good. And where you are, you know, as Jelisha said, you know, you’re giving from a full cup, not depleting yourself for the sake of others. And these five boundaries that she shared with us today are so powerful and definitely jump over to Jelisha’s website, Saving the Saver. Love the name of her business. To get those templates, but also just to get further into her world. Because I think the work that she’s doing and the way that she’s talking about boundaries and money and private practice is such a powerful framing and such a helpful way to come at what can often be very difficult conversations to have or difficult changes to make, recognizing it as boundaries. Listening to your body for those cues that your boundaries are being violated is a really powerful way to cover that. If you want to get more content from me, you can follow me on Instagram. We are sharing free. Of course, because it’s Instagram. Practical and emotional money content on there all the time. And if you’re doing the podcast, please jump over to Apple Podcasts and leave me a review. It is the best way for other therapists to find us. Thanks for listening today. 

Hi, I'm Linzy

Hi, I'm Linzy

I’m a therapist in private practice, and a the creator of Money Skills for Therapists. I help therapists and health practitioners in private practice feel calm and in control of their finances.

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