Meet Kasey Compton

Kasey: The first thing I would do would be just to really get in there and take a look at your schedule. Like, what does your day look like? How long are you working? What times are you working? You know, what are you doing? And then just put some parameters around that. 

Linzy: Welcome to the Money Skills for Therapists podcast, where we answer this question, how can therapists and health practitioners go from money shame and confusion, to feeling calm and confident about their finances and get money really working for them in both their private practice and their lives? I’m your host, Linzy Bonham, therapist turned money coach and creator of the course Money Skills for Therapists.

Hello and welcome back to the podcast. Today’s guest is Kasey Compton. Kasey is a speaker, a therapist. She’s a self-love advocate, and she’s an accomplished entrepreneur who’s led for thriving businesses, including a group practice that is an in multi-million dollar territory. She shares that her journey took over a decade to uncover the transformative missing piece in her life, and that is what Kasey and I get into today. Today’s conversation is about balancing ambition and financial goals with fulfillment and joy and love and meaning, and taking care of yourself. Kasey and I talk about that self love piece being a common missing piece in our relationship to money, the traps that achievers can fall into around business and success and working hard, and she shares her own story about how getting in touch with herself has really shifted her way of relating to herself and also to her business. Lots here today for those of us who tend to identify as achievers or perfectionists and tend to move really fast, here’s my conversation with Kasey Compton. 

So Kasey, welcome to the podcast.

Kasey: Thank you for having me.

Linzy: I am excited to have you. We were just chatting a little bit off mic about the work that we did as therapists before we were into this space now. And I think similar to me, you’ve, it sounds like you’ve kind of pivoted quite a bit in your career to get to where you are now.

Kasey: Yeah, certainly. I started out being the therapist for everyone kind of deal.

Linzy: Oh sure.

Kasey: I worked in like in-home type stuff and when I went into private practice for myself, I just started focusing on anxiety and panic disorders and that became my area of expertise until I grew my private practice into a group and then retired from actually providing therapy.

Linzy: I call myself a retired social worker and I’m at the point right now where my college is like, are you re-registering or not? Like you’re about to get in trouble. So I have to like really decide whether or not I’m going to officially take the retired title. But I always find it kind of fun to say retired, like, in our like mid thirties or forties, wherever, well before retirement age. So yeah. So you retired out of therapy and now you focus on self love is a big part of the coaching work that you’re doing now. 

Kasey: Uh, well, back in 2017 I started doing a lot of coaching with owners of all types, private practice, group practice, all of that. And, I realized that systems and processes were kind of my thing. Like that’s just what came naturally to me. And so I focused my work on that for a long time, and after I launched my first book, I started writing the second book, which is the one that’s coming out next. And, it was supposed to be a book about systems, but as I was kind of balancing a lot of life issues with entrepreneurship and all of those great things, I realized that that actually wasn’t the book I was supposed to write and I realized also as a, um, overachieving, practice owner that I was kind of out of balance, you know, like in a lot of ways. And so I still focus a lot on systems, but I do it with more intention based around balance and self love and joy and having, we can have both, you know, we can have successful businesses while having that joy and fulfillment in our lives.

Linzy: I mean that’s a question that I have for you because I’ve certainly experienced this tension myself, you know, kind of like being ambitious and being entrepreneurial and building something which is, is a big project, takes a lot of energy, takes a lot of focus. And then also having friends doing the same thing. Like I see, you know, different choices that friends have made in terms of how we try to balance. And like, I am curious about that. Like, how do people balance, you know, being ambitious, like wanting to be financially successful, wanting to create financial stability with still having like joy and purpose and like all those funner parts of life.

Kasey: Yeah, that’s, that’s really the secret sauce. I think if we can figure that out, then we’re doing really well. What I’ve realized by working with so many people and just going through it myself was if you would have asked me in the peak of my financial life, like the most money that I ever made, the most success I’ve ever had financially. If you would have asked me, do you feel balanced? I would have said, Yeah, a hundred percent. I didn’t even have the awareness around it to be honest. And so a lot of times I think people don’t because they are so hyper focused on outcomes and on the goal that they’re working toward that they actually don’t even feel anything inside of their body anymore. Like they push it out.

Linzy: Yeah. Right. Like, they don’t even have that groundedness or mindfulness, self awareness, to realize, mm, yeah, there’s something missing here.

Kasey: Uh huh. Yeah, so that that was me and I noticed that a lot in the therapists that I work with. They just they really don’t. So I think being able to really really get in touch with your body, how are you feeling?

Linzy: Mm hmm.

Kasey: You know, are you tired a lot? Are you, all of those things are indicators that you’re actually not balanced. And, and so if you don’t have that awareness, then obviously you can’t change anything. But when you do have the awareness, then you can start to understand yourself a little bit better. And sometimes like, where is that drive for that financial success coming from? Like, what are you actually trying to do? What are you wanting to do with money? Do you have something that you’re trying to do with it? Or are you just guns blazing, you know, just going,

Linzy: Yeah, because I think that achiever part of us, right? Can really drive the ship and it’s just like we’re looking for that A-plus in life, but now it’s, it’s a certain amount of dollars. Um, but that is such a great question. Like, and that’s. It’s also the kind of work that I tend to do with folks is like slow down, like what are you, what are you looking for? Like what is this money going to do for you? Because it really is, can start to feel like an end in itself, right? It’s kind of this trap that we fall into of, you know, like, well, when I make this much money or when this thing happens or I need, we just start to hit goals. And I think achievers are very motivated by goals and we’re very good at figuring out how to get to goals, but it can be all consuming and, and like for what, what’s the point?

Kasey: Yes, definitely. And, you know, I’ve noticed that there’s some things. Simple things that people can do to kind of help balance, which would be, putting limits around their schedule. It works for me. Like, once I go home, I don’t work. I give myself time limits for things and that’s really helpful instead of saying, well, I’ll get this done tomorrow. It’s more of like, well, I’m going to get this done in the morning, you know, very specific

Linzy: Mhmm.

Kasey: Otherwise it just will drag on. And then I’ll be at home, you know, working on something that I should have already had done it. So I think just having boundaries for yourself around. Your time and the things that are important to you, like your kids or your family or, or whatever it is, that you need to do actually helps you become more financially successful

Linzy: Mhmm.

Kasey: you become more intentional with your time.

Linzy: Yes. Yeah, like something that I experience in myself sometimes, and I’m curious if you’ve had a similar experience is, I call it being velocitized. So when I took driving lessons back when I was a teenager, they explained that, you know, when you’re driving on the highway, you get so used to going fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, that you get off the highway, and now you’re on a residential road, and you’re still going fast, like, you don’t realize how fast you’re going. And I noticed that myself sometimes checking with my body of like, I’m in this mode of like, going fast, gotta go, gotta do this, gotta do this, gotta do this. But it’s such a, a disembodied experience, like it’s so not grounded. And like you said, like at that point I’m not able to be like, Hey, I’m kind of tired or I’m hungry or I think I need to go for a walk. Like all those cues are kind of gone because I’m just in this, you know, kind of, adrenalinized state. And I think for a lot of entrepreneurs, like they, they live in that space all the time. It’s really hard to get out of that space when that’s how you’re doing your work.

Kasey: Right. Well, and I have heard- and as I was writing my book, I interviewed a lot of people and I heard a lot of stories about people who are in that adrenaline, focus, hypervigilant mentality toward achievement and the stories that I heard were so comparable in that, they were going so full-on that when they actually stopped or slowed down, or maybe I shouldn’t say slow down. Maybe I should just say stop. So like if they had a major life disruption, like a divorce, um, a major health issue, like something that just caused them to hit a wall,

Linzy: Mm hmm.

Kasey: When they didn’t have that adrenaline running through their bodies every single day, all day long, like they had been used to. So many of them tell me that it was almost like everything came caving in on them. Like they started getting sick, they started having like all these health problems, and so many of them told me, you know, I think my, it was like self preservation, you know, my body felt this, but it just wasn’t- the adrenaline was not going to let me feel the thing, my body that I needed to feel to go get checked out or, you know what I’m saying?

Linzy: If your body thinks you’re running from a tiger, it’s not going to tell you like, Hey, there’s this thing happening. We should slow down.

Kasey: Right. Yeah. And that totally happened to me too. And I thought, you know, I remember when I hit my wall, I was just like, Oh my gosh, like maybe I should get back in that like hypervigilant mode and start working again, because I just, I felt, I was tired. And there was a point where I, I mean, I slept for almost three months, like,

Linzy: Yeah,

Kasey: Just just hit the wall, and I was just like, oh, I’m out. Like, I can’t, I can’t solve a problem. I couldn’t do it for anything. 

Linzy: I find like that mode, and this is what I’ve experienced myself, and this is what I observe in some folks around me, like, there’s something very compelling about being in that mode, like, it feels very powerful, and it can feel very, like, in control, and like, I’m doing the things, I’m doing the things, and I think, too, we live in a culture of busy, where if you’re busy and productive, you’re successful, right, and like, so it’s really hard, I think, too, to stop and claim, No, I actually want to slow down and maybe I will make a little bit less money for a while or maybe some of these things like won’t look as successful on paper at first. Because as you say, I think like when we slow down, we can become more strategic and then make more strategic decisions. But that can be a really hard thing to put on the brakes because there is something kind of addictive and yeah, just compelling about going really fast. We get rewarded for that in society.

Kasey: Well, and it’s that instant gratification. You know what I mean? It’s definitely rewarding us for that. I don’t want to call it bad behavior, but for unhealthy type behavior, it’s a very fine line.

Linzy: So, you know, your focus, I know part of what you teach about is self love, right? And I also help folks with like money and business, but I’m kind of in the like financial skills systems groundedness. So like. I’m curious for you, when you’re working with folks who are struggling with financial stress or financial setbacks, how do you teach them to bring self love into overcoming these challenges? 

Kasey: Yeah, oftentimes I’m really challenging them to go back and think about what those money messages are, that they keep coming up for them. you know, cause I’ve been there myself. I’ve had several instances throughout my life, adult life, professional life, where I’ve had some financial setbacks and it’s been really scary. 

In the way that I grew up, we weren’t in poverty. I mean, we weren’t poor. And if you would have asked my mom or my dad, like what, what were we? They would both say, we weren’t poor. Now, like as an adult, looking back, if looking back at my family, I mean, we were poor. and so I carry a lot of those messages from childhood into my adulthood. And there’s a lot of fear associated with lack of finances because we lived paycheck to paycheck and there’s a lot of fear around that. And so I think I have to be mindful and help bring some of that into awareness for people because some of those messages may not even be accurate anymore. And they may be something that we can easily shift out of. So that’s, that’s really the first thing. And then also, you know, just reminding people too that, well, and this is what I had to tell myself. Like I built my business from nothing and when I went through a major life change, when I went through a divorce, I mean, he was not a business partner of mine. He didn’t help me start the business. None, none of it, but he was entitled to half. Um, So, like, giving half of your money away that you have worked, over-functioned for, you know, 18 hours a day, all, like, basically giving up your whole existence for, it was very, like, really, really hard, but it was also a good lesson because if, if you can do it once, you can do it again,

Linzy: Yes.

Kasey: I think sometimes it’s helping people just to remember. And to spark that confidence again, like you’ve done this before, and do this again,

Linzy: Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, usually the second time is easier. It kind of reminds me of, this is a little different, but I don’t know if you ever had the experience of, of being a student and you, like, write an essay and then you would, like, lose the document sometimes. This, this happened a lot, like, in the early 2000s when I was in school, where, like, your computer would not save.

You’d have to save actively and you forget to save and then your computer would shut down and you would, like, lose it and you’d have to do it all over again. And it’s, like, so painful and so devastating. But the second time is always easier because you’ve already like laid the groundwork in your mind, like, you know where you’re going, right? And you probably write it even better than you did the first time and certainly much faster. And so, yeah, it’s like that foundation that you’ve built, that pathway. Doesn’t go away. but what I notice sometimes is like certainly the folks that that I support and I’m sure many folks who listen to this podcast like tend to be achievers, right? They tend to be perfectionists, and they are so busy focusing on what they don’t know yet, or their fear of what’s coming, like all of the, the scary unknown or where they think they’re failing that they don’t recognize exactly what you’re talking about, which is like how much they’ve learned and how much they’ve built. And again, like that doesn’t just go away, right? If something happens to you in your life.

Kasey: Right, right for me, it was easier the second time, it was harder in different ways. It was harder in just swallowing the pride of like, here we go again, you know, like, I’m gonna have to.

Linzy: Right.

Kasey: But yeah, the foundation is the same. And so at some point, when you’re looking at finances, it’s I tell people like, it’s just math. And so you’ve already built the thing. And so there’s only a couple ways to become more financially stable you’re either gonna add more therapists and more clients or you’re gonna lower your your overhead or both. So it’s it’s actually pretty simple,

Linzy: Yeah. There are those two levers. That’s how I describe it. Like I have two levers, you know, you’re either going to make more or you’re going to spend less. And like, those are our two levers. And then you figure out the right configuration for you. Kasey, tell me more then about self love principles too, because that’s something that I know you teach and talk about that is, is not my wheelhouse. Tell me about self love principles and how those apply to these financial struggles that therapists can have.

Kasey: Well, I think one of the things that people need to ask themselves, because I never asked myself this question and it wasn’t until it was asked in a therapy session that I realized, Oh crap, like I don’t even know what that is. I don’t know what self love is. Cause you know, for achievement minded outcome driven people, if you would have told me five years ago, Oh, like you just need to love yourself. I would be like, You’re crazy. I just need to make more money. Like, you know, most people think that that is not something tangible. That is not something that they can control. That is not something that’s going to make them money. And so they don’t even want to fool with it, but I think you have to ask yourself, how much do you love yourself right now? Even like put a number to it on a scale from one to ten. How much do you love yourself? And when that question was asked of me, I did not have an answer. I think I landed on the number two. because I couldn’t even conceptualize what that was. Like. Yeah, it was just really hard and especially because I had at that point started to make some connections that my perception of my value was contingent on my contribution to things financially,

Linzy: Yes.

Kasey: Obviously I, I wasn’t loving myself if I believe that, you know, if I believe that, I mean, I remember talking to my ex husband, like, after I started the business, maybe they’ll want us to come back to church now that we actually can, like, tithe, you know, maybe they’ll ask you to be in the band again because now give and like that’s really messed up.

But I just noticed that I was lacking that love of myself, which also entails confidence, grace and, and business owners are so- therapists especially- are so hard on themselves and that is not love.

When you’re talking to yourself, when you’re putting pressure on yourself to achieve and grow your business and grow your practice and all of those things, think about, would you talk to your own children that way? Because if you wouldn’t, then I don’t know why we talk to ourselves that way and we put a such unrealistic and such high stakes expectations on ourselves. And so I would say that’s how self love connects just one way, there’s a lot, but…

Linzy: Yeah. And I mean, there’s a lot to the story you just said. I feel like there’s a whole backstory there, obviously. It sounds like around like the church and, and community, but something that sticks out to me from that too is like thinking about, what are we actually looking for in life? Right? Like, what do we actually want? What are our values? And like, what I’m hearing there, you know, with the hopes that you had, where you’re like, well, we’re successful now. And like, I’m hearing like connection, belonging, like maybe we can connect, maybe we can belong, maybe we’ll be accepted. Right. And that’s, I think, so powerful to, to name and notice, right? That’s what it’s about. Like, that’s what you’re really looking for. Cause I think sometimes we try to go the long way to what we really want. And, we’re actually, this is, this episode is going to be on YouTube. So folks who are watching YouTube can see what I’m doing. Listeners cannot, but, it’s kind of like what we want is right in front of us. We go this like long circuitous route way off to the side to try to get there rather than going directly for that thing. but it sounds like in your case, like there’s all these stories around success. Like this, it doesn’t sound like it was just internal messages that were making you think that you had to be financially successful to belong.

Kasey: Now, you nailed it. I mean, that’s a hundred percent, that’s it. Like, that is the message of my whole book. That is the message of everything that I’m, that I’m teaching. And so, yes, I had money mindset issues from the beginning because of that. It was just this ultimate need to feel loved and belong to something and, you know, this is just natural, you know, if people don’t feel loved or included or like they belong, they’re going to feel like they have to seek it out, like they have to seek out solutions. Like well maybe it’s because I don’t have this, maybe it’s because I don’t have that, maybe it’s because I’m not pretty enough, maybe it’s because I, you know, whatever.

And so all of those little things that go off in our head, we start chasing after them. Really, we just need to go back inside ourselves and look at the things that we already bring to the table that are more than worthy and you know, it’s not like one day you wake up and you’re like, yeah, I love myself. You know, like this was like a three year journey for me. But I noticed that the longer that I had started doing more intentional type of work on understanding myself, understanding all of these things, I was loving myself and I cared less about the external validation of people and places and organizations and then it also became a lot easier to run my business. Because I wasn’t like all these little red flags weren’t going off all the time about you know, when someone sends in a resignation and then you get triggered by abandonment and like it was all these things that happens to us. It just became a lot easier to make decisions like, okay, this person’s like, all right, I guess I need to hire another one. You know, it just things so much easier.

Linzy: And I mean, that’s such powerful work that I think it’s tempting to skip. It’s tempting for – even as therapists, even though we know obviously that there’s so much inside and we have a whole universe inside that needs to be attended to. What I do see is like when we get into the business track and especially what you’re talking about with group practice, where it’s like scaled income, you know, like you can make a lot of money. You’ve got a lot of responsibility, a lot of balls up in the air. It’s really, I think, tempting to try to skip that, that work that is really about vulnerability, right? Like connecting with your own vulnerability. Who are you, what actually feeds you, attending to the things that are feeding those triggers. But what I see, Kasey, and I’m curious about your perspective on this is when people don’t do that work, especially when they’re bosses to other people, we become really terrible bosses too, like when we’re getting triggered and like taking our stuff out on other people and not even owning it right? Like it’s there’s a lot of repercussions when you’re in a position of power when you are not taking care of yourself.

Kasey: A hundred percent. Yes. I see that so much. So, so, so much. And you know, people are hard enough to manage and lead even when you’re in perfectly healthy mode. And so then you add in all of the other things and it’s, it’s really hard and we’re human and we make mistakes and I’ve made plenty, but being able to build awareness around yourself and your ability to love yourself and give yourself grace and all of those things. Just 100% it makes you a better leader, a better person, a better mother, a better friend, a better partner, a better everything. We tell ourselves, well, we don’t have time, you know, I don’t have time to do that cause I’m so doing all the things over here, but those things are never going to be at their greatest level of possibility without out you doing the work for yourself first.

Linzy: So for folks who are listening and maybe recognizing too that maybe they’ve been a little overly focused on thinking that numbers are gonna, you know, give them fulfillment. I’m curious like what would be your suggestion or advice for how did they start to shift their their mindset or what are some first steps that folks can take towards focusing more on like their well being and and joy and the things that really matter?

Kasey: the first thing I would do would be just to really get in there and take a look at your schedule. Like, what does your day look like? How long are you working? What times are you working? You know, what are you doing? And then just put some parameters around that. I know that sounds really elementary and just simple, but it’s a huge first step, especially for people with control. And, you know, they, they like to be in control and they like to be busy and they like to over achieve, right. There is simple, but it’s impactful in so many ways. So I think I would start there. And then the very next thing would be to put down some intentional time for yourself.

And I’m not talking about like getting a manicure or getting a facial, although those things are great. That’s great self care. I’m talking about doing things for you. Like maybe, maybe seeing a therapist yourself, maybe spending time, like, I used to do this every morning, at 10 a. m. I, for an hour, I would journal, something that’s really going to bring about some introspection for your, for yourself.

Linzy: Yeah, and I think, you know, what you mentioned too about scheduling, people who are driven and are achievers, like, we have the ability to make things happen, so what I’m hearing too is like, use those skills to actually make space to be with yourself. And take care of yourself. I love that idea of journaling. When you said journaling and for an hour every day, my internal response was oof, which means probably I should be journaling for an hour every day. Maybe there’s something there. But like I could see how powerful that would be to set aside that time on a daily basis to be with yourself. Like you would make a lot of discoveries and shifts. In that hour a day, without a doubt. 

Kasey: something that happens when it’s scheduled and when it’s at the same time every day. I’m sure there’s some kind of brain science behind that. It definitely puts it in the forefront. I got to where I could just feel that it was 10 o’clock. You know, like, okay. You know, my body is signaling me and then, one last thing I’ll say about that. I just thought of it. So as I was going through some different writing programs and working with different writing coaches, Laura Stone. She is an author and she helped a lot, but she used to say, because in the beginning, whenever I would try to write at 10 o’clock for an hour, I was like, I don’t know what to write about. I can’t, like, I can’t even, I don’t even know. And she said, okay, if you don’t know, rather than just sit there, just write about what you would like to write about. So just write down what you would like to journal about. And it’s a trick,

Linzy: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That’s a great trick, because you’re just taking that one step back. You’re, you’re taking yourself, like, out of the pressure. And, like, giving yourself that little bit of perspective. Yeah. And that’s, that’s so powerful. Like, I, I’ve been doing an online course. called Life of Focus, from Cal Newport. He wrote the book Deep Work, which I read last year and like blew my mind and, just about making space for what matters. And something that he talks about actually with writing specifically is like, he said that, Amateurs expect inspiration, they wait for inspiration to come, and that’s when they try to create. But like professionals, like people who really do these things, they do it exactly the way you’re talking about. They do it every day, they sit down, inspired or not, they get going. And like, it’s interesting to me as you’re saying that, because it’s like, yeah, that can be applied to self care too. It’s like, okay, maybe you don’t feel like doing yoga. Make yourself do it. And like 10 minutes in, you’re like, Oh yeah, this is good. I should be doing this. Right. But I think sometimes we think that we need to feel inspired to take care of ourself or inspired to look inside. and often that doesn’t happen in the busy lives that we live.

Kasey: No, that’s wonderful. Yeah. It should be the opposite. We, we should dictate that time and that inspiration always comes.

Linzy: absolutely. Kasey, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. for folks who are listening, who want to get further into your world, can you tell them where to find you, where to follow you, if you get any freebies for them?

Kasey: Yeah. Check us out. We’re on all social channels and freebies are all on the website. So it’s KaseyCompton.com. All kinds of freebies, all kinds of things to get involved in book clubs, free swag, all kinds of cool stuff.

Linzy: Great. Awesome. And we’ll put all of your links in the show notes. Thank you so much, Kasey, for joining me today.

Kasey: Thank you. 

Linzy: I really appreciated Kasey’s perspective on the importance of prioritizing yourself and your wellbeing in your business, and using your system and your schedule and your skills to actually get that into your system. As I said, her idea of journaling every day at 10, I’m like, oh. That sounds really intense. Which for me probably means, you know, it’s something I should be doing. Uh, there’s some sort of charge there and it’s just so wise to use our skills of, our frontal cortex, basically, right? Like our ability to create schedules and order and actually apply those superpowers to ourselves and actually get those things into our own schedule. So I encourage you to think about what that might be for you. Is it journaling? Is it getting yoga into your schedule? Is it going for a walk every day at the same time? And as she mentions, like doing something every day is so powerful, we actually condition ourselves to expect that thing. So really, you know, fake it till you make it. Don’t wait until you’re inspired to take care of yourself, but actually schedule in taking care of yourself. I think that is excellent advice. I appreciate the conversation with Kasey today. If you’re enjoying the podcast, you can also follow me on Instagram at @moneynutsandbolts And if you are curious about working on your own relationship with money, some of your own stories that you’re carrying, you can check out my free mini training, The Secret to Getting Unstuck In Your Finances, if you find you have a lot of anxiety around money, so you just avoid it if you feel like you’re just getting by with money and you know you should be saving for your future, but you’re just not. If you feel like you always have just enough money, and no matter how many more clients you see, you still feel like you’re getting by, this mini training is for you. The mini training is a series of short, easy to digest videos that prompt you to reflect, look inside, and start to get in touch with your own stories about money. Because when we are struggling with money in these ways, it’s not just about skills and it’s not about systems. It’s that your relationship. With money needs to change and this mini training is a free first step to do exactly that, so you can get the link in the show notes for the secret to getting unstuck in your finances mini training. Thank you so much for listening today.