[00:00:00] Linzy: Hello and welcome back to another Feelings and Finances episode of the Money Skills for Therapists podcast. And these are our short and sweet Friday episodes where we answer questions from you, the listeners of the money skills for therapists podcast. Today we have a question from Nick, and here’s Nick’s question.

[00:00:17] Nick: Hi, Linzy. My name is Nick. I recently started my private practice. I’m now private pay. Before that, I was insurance based. and so my question is, I guess, something that is now coming up for me. I’m doing a lot of work on things like money mindset, and marketing, and all of these… Just learning so much that I didn’t have to do when I was insurance based.

[00:00:43] But something that keeps coming up is some parts that aren’t feeling good enough and I can’t do it and I should just go back to insurance. Like it’ll be a money stressor but what’s sitting underneath that is a lot of like parts, negative core beliefs. So how do you hold on, and keep going and not… For me, it would feel like a backpedal to go back to insurance.

[00:01:11] It’s really not even an option. So it’s just, it’s really scary, to kind of hold on. Needing more clients, needing more money, and all of the parts that are getting poked at during the process. So I would love to hear your thoughts on how to just build that distress tolerance for how different it is being private pay than insurance based. Thank you for the work that you’re doing.

[00:01:43] I’m really enjoying your podcast, and I hope that we get to talk more soon. Thank you.

[00:01:49] Linzy: Okay. This is a great question, Nick. I mean, the first thing that… My first response, which is kind of a joking response but also not a joking response, is therapy. So I’m thinking about my own journey, Nick, with kind of playing a bigger game to put it a certain way, in business, you know, and moving into a space where you’re like, this is what I’m offering and this is the value of it.

[00:02:14] And this is what I’m charging. And that’s not for everybody. You know, all the things, as you say, that we have to do, in your case, you’re talking about, being private pay rather than insurance. I’ve experienced a similar thing just in terms of courses, and what I charge for them and having to be real about what it costs to run a business, and pay a team.

[00:02:30] And there is so much opportunity, as you say, just ample, never ending opportunity for the parts of us that hold negative beliefs, parts of us that, as we know, are about survival, about keeping us safe. It’s so much opportunity for those parts to just go bananas. You know, like they get so activated by the exact kind of project that you’re doing where you are saying, no, I can’t be small anymore in this way. Financially, I need something else, or emotionally, I need something else.

[00:03:06] I don’t know exactly what has brought you to the journey of deciding to be fully private pay, but we are having to be seen and to be big and to, as you say, weather the uncertainty that comes when we ask for more. And when we communicate to the world that no, what we are doing is worth more, and we’re willing to wait for the folks who recognize that and the folks who are willing and able to pay us for that work.

[00:03:35] It is scary. So how do you weather that? How do you build that distress tolerance? This is where, again, therapy is your friend. If you are not already working with a great therapist, this is a good time to do it.When I first started building this version of my business, of Money Nuts and Bolts, and really had my neck stuck out, like it felt like I was in a really neck stuck out position, I talked about it in therapy all the time. It’s so activating. It brings up so many parts of us that are like, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:04:05] Just go back to that safe thing that you were doing before. And yeah, it had its costs, but like, this isn’t worth it. This is too scary. And it’s going to bring up the not good enough, the fear of being attacked. Just so many things… I know for me, I had a lot of fear, stepping into this version of my business, of trolls on the internet, that it wasn’t safe to be seen in this way.

[00:04:24] I was going to get hurt emotionally, it would cost me, certain friendships or relationships, which in some ways it did. You know, some of those things are true, but they are worth it. Right. And so for you, I would encourage you to work with those parts of yourself, whether it’s with a therapist or with your own skills, this is a time to take extra good care of those vulnerable parts of yourself.

[00:04:47] Whether that is through journaling, visualizing, naming, talking about, being with, just creating that internal distance inside, you know, in a parts work kind of framework of noticing that part. What age is it associated with, does this part of you know that the conditions in your life are different now, and that so many skills that you’ve built, and so much education that you’ve received, does this part of you know about all those things when it believes that you’re not good enough?

[00:05:12] Has it been updated on all of the things that you’ve done to get to this particular place in your career? You know, that kind of time orientation work with those young parts of us, and the compassion and the kindness and taking care of them, could be through art. You know, could be through just talking honestly with other friends and business owners that you know.

[00:05:32] But letting those parts of you have space, because if we try to just squash them down and override them, we know that they just pop up in different ways, right? They don’t go away. We need to help those parts of us catch up with where we are in life. Catch up with you, and why you have made this decision.

[00:05:50] What has brought you to this place? Because it wasn’t just all of a sudden. You know, there’s been a whole journey that has brought you to this place, Nick, where you’ve decided to be private pay and to go off insurance panels. And you don’t want to go back to insurance panels. And you probably shouldn’t, you know, if there were good reasons for leaving them, but that part of you… Those parts of you, probably multiple, don’t know that story yet.

[00:06:12] So that would be part of it, is therapy, being with those parts of you, allowing them to catch up to where you are now, letting them know that you’re an adult, and you’re safe, and you’re making strategic choices, and you have supports. So that’s the core emotional side of the work. On the practical side, thinking about the distress tolerance, I would think about: what are the actions that you can be taking on a regular basis to build your practice that let you see that you’re taking action, right?

[00:06:40] That don’t make you feel powerless or stuck, but let you see, okay, I’m doing these things. So in marketing, this is where we get into the kind of the business strategy side of it… In marketing, there are activities that we do that generate certain results, and we need to be doing these activities, even if they’re not going to immediately give you a client.

[00:06:59] So you have your activities that are kind of your lead generators, right? That let people know about you, whether that’s speaking at community events, networking with colleagues, building a newsletter, showing up on social media platforms where you’re building your audiences, that let people see you and remember, “Oh yeah, Nick, they’re so great.

[00:07:17] I would love to work with Nick” right? You’re reminding people that you exist and you’re letting your colleagues know, this is what I’m doing now. This is who I’m serving. So they think of you the next time they have a client in front of them that’s not the kind of person that they serve, but will be perfect for you, right?

[00:07:31] Those are your lead generation kind of activities. You’re getting the word out there. Then there’s going to be the actual things that you do that allow folks to see you, learn about you, contact you… your website, you know? Then there’s going to be people, moving further down the funnel, who contact you through the website, they book a consult… Do those people who book consults actually turn into first sessions?

[00:07:54] Do your first session turn into six sessions? These are kind of like in broad strokes, the different stages of the marketing funnel. And as you’re building your practice, it’s important that you’re taking action to get leads into your world so folks know about you, to get those concept calls booked, to turn those consults into clients, to keep those clients for six sessions, or whatever your baseline would be.

[00:08:17] Seeing yourself doing things on a regular basis that are having an impact in your practice will also help to sooth those parts of you because they’ll see like, okay, things are happening. You know, you’re going to be able to actually show yourself that progress is being made by taking strategic action in these areas.

[00:08:32] So, stopping and thinking about: where is there a deficit right now? Where do you need to be putting more activity? Is it that people don’t know about you? Is that you’re attracting the wrong people so they’re not converting? Or is something else happening further down the funnel where you’re losing the right people?

[00:08:48] Putting that kind of strategic focus on your business allows you then to also build a business that works, and lets all parts of you see that you are doing this, and it takes time, but you are taking action, and you are making choices that are having clear impacts on the business, and you are going in the right direction, right?

[00:09:07] So we want to soothe, but we also want to be strategic. So I suggest a mix of those two things, Nick, in whatever quantity you need each of them.And that will allow you to keep going, and take the steps that you need to take to build the practice that you actually want, which you’ve already embarked on by making this decision.

[00:09:27] So lastly, I will say congrats, Nick, for doing something big and scary. And I wish you lots of groundedness and fortitude and also strategy to build the practice that you really want. Thank you so much for sharing your question with me today. If you, like Nick, also have a question that you would love me to answer on one of these Feelings and Finances episodes, all you need to do is click on the link in the show notes or head over to our podcast page, moneynutsandbolts.com slash podcast. You will see a little box there where you can just hit record, introduce yourself, and share a question with me. I would love to answer your question on a future episode of Feelings and Finances. Thank you so much for joining me today.