[00:00:00] Linzy: Hello and welcome back to another Feelings and Finances episode of the Money Skills for Therapists podcast.

[00:00:06] These episodes are the place where I answer your questions, the lovely therapists and health practitioners and listeners of the Money Skills for Therapists podcast. And today’s question is from Lisa. Here’s your question.

[00:00:18] Lisa: Hi, Linzy, Lisa here. Here’s my question. How do I create and sustain my interest in looking at my money, and figuring out money, and all of that stuff? I mean, that seems to be my biggest stumbling block. Right now I’m making money and there’s certainly money anxiety, but so many of your tools have been helpful in looking at that, but actually finding the sustained interest to follow through on the time, like the money time that I might put in my calendar, to actually generate the interest to do it…

[00:00:57] I’m really having a hard time with any ideas around that?

[00:01:01] Linzy: Thank you so much, Lisa, for your question. I think this is a question that many folks listening to this podcast will relate to, which is how do you keep coming back to something when maybe the pain is not atrocious, right? Like you, as you say, you’re making money. And Lisa is a local therapist in Guelph, Ontario, the same place that I live.

[00:01:23] So I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Lisa in person and chatting a bit about her business. So I know, Lisa, that you charge a good fee. I know that you’re full. So it’s not like you are. in dire straits, right? And when we’re in dire straits, the pain is greater than that fear of changing, or that pain of changing, right?

[00:01:40] But what I’m hearing is for you, things are comfortable enough that it’s hard to maintain that drive, right? That commitment. So my first thought is coming back to the very first step of the process that I lay out in Money Skills for Therapists, and that I believe is the process that therapists benefit from following when we’re working on our money, period, which is commit, clarify,

[00:02:06] adjust, implement. Right? So this is really about that commit stage. The committing is where we both emotionally and practically make money possible, make working on money in our lives possible, by really connecting with where we’re at and what we need. So the first thing that I’m thinking about is going to that more emotional part of amplifying the pain. Right? I’m hearing you’re not in atrocious pain, which is great. I love that for you. But there’s a reason that you follow me. There’s a reason that you’re consuming my content. And so my question is, what is it that’s not working? What is it that has brought this issue to your attention and has made this content that I put out in the world relevant for you?

[00:02:48] Right? Where is the pain? And taking some time to dig into that. It’s easy to avoid that, right? But that doesn’t mean that it’s not there. It’s like, I remember when I was practicing trauma therapy, folks would say Oh, well, this event doesn’t bother me because if I don’t think about it, it’s fine.

[00:03:02] And it’s like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s not the definition of trauma. The definition of trauma is if we do you think about it, then there’s like that activation and overwhelm, whether you go into an aroused state, or whether you drop into like a shutdown state. It’s too much when you do think about it.

[00:03:16] So I would say the same thing for you, Lisa, is like approaching it. What happens when you do actually approach what isn’t working? When you think about it. What is not happening in your life because of your relationship with money, right? Are you saving enough for retirement? Are you going on the trips that you want to go on?

[00:03:32] Are you seeing yourself living the balance that you want? Are your personal goals actually happening, right? Leaning into whatever that is that’s not working to think about if you keep going, what is your life going to look like? You know, what is going to happen, but also if you keep going this way, what is not going to happen?

[00:03:50] Right? Like, do you have a dream of taking your kids to Disney? But the only way that’s going to happen right now is if you put 15, 000 of debt on your credit card, and you know that’s going to be a great pain to yourself, right? So you might just not even take that trip. Or do you want to be able to live a split life in your retirement and like spend some time in another place?

[00:04:08] But the way that your retirement savings are going right now, that’s definitely not going to happen. Whatever that is for you, lean into the pain, right? Lean into the what’s not working. And I would suggest doing this by journaling, talking to a spouse, talking with other trusted friends and colleagues about money, like really make this front and center.

[00:04:26] The second piece then, Lisa, is like leaning into the pleasure. What becomes possible if you actually spend your time on your money, right? What does it feel like to have that anxiety go away? What could you use that reclaimed time and energy for if money anxiety wasn’t in your life? What are some versions of your life that are so amazing that you almost can’t even think about wanting them because the way that money is working right now, it’s not possible, right?

[00:04:50] Is that taking the whole summer off every year to be with your kids? Is that building a beautiful reading room off the back of your house? Right? Is that working three days a week? There’s all of these versions of our lives that often we can’t even let ourselves dream about because they’re so far away

[00:05:06] that letting yourself start to be honest about what would be just so wonderful and perfect for you for this perhaps one and only human life that you are living… That’s another way to start to lean into making the work worth it. Right. The last thing that could be helpful for you to think about, I know that you are a parent, is to think about what do you want to model to your kids?

[00:05:27] Right. As we are living our financial lives, our children are. are watching us, and the young people in our lives are watching us, and we are teaching them lessons every single day, right? So are you living the financial life that you want your kids to live? Are you modeling the values and the behaviors that you want your kids to have when they get older?

[00:05:45] Because they are absorbing all of that from you, right? Like we know kids are little sponges and they are absorbing our behaviors, they’re making meaning of our behaviors, whether or not we actively explain it to them. So that’s something I think about with my own son is like, when I say things, even if I say something offhand like, oh, we don’t have money for that.

[00:06:04] He takes that to be reality, right? Even if we kind of do have money for it, but I’m actually choosing not to spend it. The way that I’m modeling how I talk about money, the way that I am making decisions around money, that is what he is inheriting as his own money scripts that he’s going to have to choose to either keep or let go of, when he does his own work as an adult.

[00:06:24] So that’s also something to think about is what is the life you want to be modeling for your kids? What is the relationship to money you want to be modeling for kids? Are you doing that now? And if not, again, making that front of center. All of this, Lisa, is about making your reasons for making money work for you

[00:06:39] front and center, right? The last thing that I think about, actually, when I think about this is the meaning of money. I’m playing way, way, way in the back of my mind with the idea of writing a book, which is kind of hilarious because I don’t like writing, but I’m starting to feel like I want to pull all my ideas together.

[00:06:53] And the phrase, The Meaning of Money has been bouncing around in my head. Probably somebody has already written that book. I haven’t looked it up yet, but that’s the last thing to think about is like, what is the meaning of money for you? What can it do for you in your life? Is money about helping you have time with like family and community?

[00:07:09] Right? What are the best parts of life that money can make more of? Is it quiet time? Is it adventure and travel? Is it connection with your community? Is it charity and giving? Is it social justice? Money is such a powerful tool, but when we’re not actually wielding it confidently, and when we’re not powerfully directing it where it needs to go, it’s not going to be reflecting our values in the way that it ultimately could.

[00:07:34] So there’s maybe my last thought for you. I’ve kind of given you a bunch of seeds, Lisa, like scattering seeds so you can see which one takes. Because I don’t think there’s one answer to this question, but the ultimate answer is you need to make that deep commitment to yourself and hook into what it is in you that is going to allow you to make that commitment.

[00:07:50] Whether that’s pain, whether that’s pleasure, whether that’s modeling to your kids, whether that’s your values and letting money bring those values into your life, letting you live your values… Whatever that motivator is, you need to make it front and center. So you can do that by journaling. Right?

[00:08:06] Spending time with these questions, bringing things that come up to your own therapy work, right? Those deeper things… You can do that by talking with your spouse. Are we living our financial values? Is this the life we actually want to live? Are we modeling to our kids what we want their money stories to be in the future?

[00:08:23] Right? So it’s that putting it out in the world. You can join courses, come to calls, you know, like Money Skills for Therapists, come to calls, where there is community and where you can show up and talk about these things, but it’s putting it in your own face because it is easy to avoid.

[00:08:39] And we all know that money is easy to avoid. So the key is to get yourself connected with it in such a way that it becomes more important than the comfort of avoiding so that you could actually make money do whatever it is that you want it to do. So those are my thoughts for you, Lisa. I’m excited for you as you keep digging into this part of the puzzle for you.

[00:08:59] Sometimes getting started and staying committed is that hardest part, and it sounds like it is for you. So this is really where the work is for you is to really spend time with these questions and this avoidance and resistance, that’s, you know, just manifesting probably as like, Oh, there’s more interesting things to do,

[00:09:16] and letting yourself actually connect with what you really want and what’s really happening for you under the surface when it comes to money. Thanks so much Lisa for your question, and for folks listening if you have a question for me, it is super super easy to leave me a question. All you need to do is head over to our podcast page.

[00:09:37] You scroll down just a little you’ll see a little box. You know, do you have a question for Linzy? You literally just press record, just introduce yourself, and ask your question, and that’s it. It’s super, super simple. And then I can answer when your questions on one of these feelings and finances episodes. We’ll also put a link in the show notes for you to do that.

[00:09:53] Putting your questions out in the world really is a gift to all of us to just have more and more conversations happening about money. This is still one of the great taboo topics. And I know that it can be scary. I know it can be intimidating, but also it is so helpful to literally thousands of people when you ask your question on this podcast.

[00:10:12] So thank you so much, Lisa, for your question. Thank you everyone for listening and joining me on the podcast today.