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Managing Money Anxiety and a Math Learning Disability Coaching Session

Managing Money Anxiety and a Math Learning Disability Coaching Session

“I live in the mountains of North Carolina, and I love to go hiking, so I like to think of these as mountains. That money mountain was a really big one for me. And so, now I’m coming down from peaking off of that one, but going up another money mountain, and addressing other things. And within that, there is all this other stuff – these rolling hills – that you have got to embrace and conquer.”

~Blair Buckler

Meet Blair Buckler

Blair has been a private practice therapist for almost 4 years specializing in DBT and mood disorders with teens and adults. 

In This Episode…

Do you ever feel anxious and fearful about what you might find when you go to look at your bank account or credit card statement? Afraid of knowing and facing the ugly truth about your finances?

In this coaching session, Linzy and Blair celebrate the progress Blair has made in her private practice finances while having dyscalculia, but they also discuss the work still to do when it comes to Blair’s anxiety. Blair shares about how, although she has made tremendous progress with the practical aspects of managing her money, she continues to work through some of the emotional components of working with her finances. Blair and Linzy dig into the lingering anxieties that Blair feels when she thinks about managing her finances and what she can do to manage those so that she can continue celebrating and enjoying her growth.

Listen in to get some great tips about how to celebrate the progress you make with money and how to sit with the emotional side of money work. You don’t want to miss this as you work towards your own financial goals! 

Want more support with your private practice finances?

Free Workshop Series: How to Feel Calm & Confident About Money

Are you tired of feeling confused, ashamed, and stressed about your private practice finances?

CLICK HERE to join me for a free, live Zoom workshop series happening September 26 to 30 that will help you go from money shame and confusion, to calm and confidence. 

I’m also giving away $500 cash to one lucky participant! Make sure you secure your free seat by clicking here and all you have to do is attend the workshops for your chance to win.

Episode Transcript

Blair [00:00:01] I live in the mountains of North Carolina and I love to go hiking, so I like to think of these as like mountains. That money mountain was a really big one for me. And so, you know it’s – now I’m kind of coming down off of peaking on that one, but going up another money mountain and addressing other things. And then within that, there’s all this other stuff, like little rolling hills that you kind of have to embrace and conquer.

Linzy [00:00:30] Welcome to the Money Skills For Therapists podcast, where we answer this question. How can therapists and health practitioners go from money, shame and confusion to feeling calm and confident about their finances and get money really working for them in both their private practice and their lives? I’m your host, Linzy Bonham, therapist turned money coach and creator of the course Money Skills For Therapists. Hello, and welcome back to the podcast. So today’s episode is brought to you by the Setting Enough Aside for Taxes Workshop. So we are in the New Year and if another year has gone by and you know in your heart of hearts and in your bank account that you have not saved enough for taxes, then now is a really good time to start to set new habits and new systems around getting taxes working for you in this new financial year. The workshop is a 45 minute workshop, very in-depth. It comes with a great calculator tool and I’ve had people tell me before that it is the best free workshop that they have found in the private practice space. So very actionable, easy to understand. I get into mindset and practical pieces around getting taxes working for you. You can check out the link in the show notes for the Setting Enough Aside for Taxes Workshop. So today’s episode is a coaching session episode with one of my graduates, Blair Buckler. So Blair is a therapist in private practice, she specializes in using DVT, supporting adults and teens with mood disorders and today’s coaching session, we dig into anxiety around sitting down and working on her money and particularly looking at anxiety around what you’re going to find when you sit down to work on your money. I know that this is a topic that’s relevant to so many of us. It’s that fear of knowing the truth, the ugly truth and Blair and I really unpack that today and take some really fun detours along the way as well talking about the importance of celebrating to help keep us going, talking about her experiences with dyscalculia, growing up and that diagnosis and how she has worked with that in her relationship with money and getting her money working for her and also being a highly sensitive therapist. It’s all in the mix, we cover a lot of grounds, it’s a very rich conversation and coaching session. Enjoy.

Linzy [00:03:05] So, Blair, welcome, thank you for being here today.

Blair [00:03:08] Thanks for having me.

Linzy [00:03:10] So, Blair, you’re a graduate of Money Skills For Therapists. I think a few months ago now at the time of this recording.

Blair [00:03:16] Yeah, it was the beginning of the year.

Linzy [00:03:18] Yeah, that’s right. So Blair, what was it that like tipped you over into joining the course? Why did you join Money Skills For Therapists?

Blair [00:03:26] Well, I’m supposed to get married next year, was supposed to be this year, but you know. And my partner and I have just been having lots of conversations about money. And, you know, he’s very organized with his money and on track to save and is constantly telling me how excited he is. And I have always struggled with managing my money and knowing what to do with it, knowing how to organize it and all that. And you know, I’ve been in private practice for almost four years now, and I’ve just never really known how to do that side of my business, basically run the business side.

Linzy [00:04:09] What made you know that it was worth it to join the course?

Blair [00:04:13] I feel like I remember you talking about just having various tools. I learn very differently, and I’m always worried that it’s going to be pigeonholed, you know, pigeonholed into you have to use this or you have to do that in a specific way. I feel like that stems from my childhood in school of you can only learn this one way where I could get the answer to a question, but I might be doing a little bit differently, and I was always told that was wrong. And so that was just something that really scared me. And then I feel like you maybe mentioned it or I picked up on that, that you had a bunch of different tools and I was like, OK, this is something I feel like will be helpful, and I can organize my money in a way that works for me.

Linzy [00:04:59] Totally. Yeah. And I think like with money stuff, especially, there can really be this narrative that there is a right way, and there’s one way and that way is Quickbooks when it comes to small businesses. And for so many people who have like tried Quickbooks and know like, it’s not for them, or the learning curve is not worth it because Quickbooks also gives us stuff that we don’t really need for our size of business. There can be like this real narrative of like the right way or what the other way people end up taking is, we just don’t do it at all, if that one prescriptive way is not for you. So, yeah, so you found other ways through the course to manage your money. Yes.

Blair [00:05:31] Yes, yes, yes. And that was what I really loved, was all the different tools that you gave. It was like, you can do a spreadsheet, you can do Quickbooks, you can do YNAB, but you could do all these different things. I used Quickbooks, I used Quickbooks for small business. So it’s not a full one, yeah, the self-employed one. And so it was a little bit more condensed. So for me, it wasn’t – you know, it categorized everything. I’m able to send it to my accountant and a link to her, so it really helps all that stuff. So I already had that system and I had a lot of the preliminary systems in place, it was just the organizing, figuring how much to pay myself, figuring how much to put in different accounts and how to set up all that stuff. That was really the ticket for me.

Linzy [00:06:18] Yeah, like you had like one piece of the puzzle and then you fit that into the bigger system through the course. Yeah. And I love, you know, Blair, that you were talking about how like it needs to be customized to you. That’s my approach, and that’s what I teach in the course. Like, you need to make a system that makes sense for your brain, which totally is going to move us into our coaching topic for today, which is about working with your brain, right and the way that your brain works. So today, Blair, you mentioned you want to talk about kind of mindset and managing money as someone with a diagnosis of dyscalculia and continuing to build your confidence as someone. So tell me, tell me about this situation.

Blair [00:06:56] So from the time I was really young, I always struggled with math. It just never clicked with me and I had a math tutor from the time I was in third grade, when my parents finally kind of clicked that I wasn’t just slacking off in math, I really didn’t comprehend it. I had a math tutor from that time, all the way up until I went to take my GRE for grad school. I went back to her. Fortunately, she was still in business, she knew how I learned. And I’ve always avoided stuff with math, it takes me probably five times as long to figure out a math related issue than the average person. I just don’t understand it, and I was tested, and I think it was like sixth grade, I went and had the barrage of psychological testing and they came back and I remember the psychologist being like, Your verbal scores are like off the charts and your math, it’s like polar opposite. Your math is I mean, he was sure he was very blunt, he was like, It’s awful. I was like, Yeah. My mom and I laugh, we’re like, you’re not telling us something we don’t know, it was just a confirmation. And I don’t think it was called dyscalculia at the time, and it’s not called that anymore. The diagnostic VSM, I mean, it’s a math learning disability where it’s like dyslexia for math, where you just mix up your numbers, it’s hard to process the numbers. And I think that was what was my fear around money issues, was messing something up, not getting it right and throwing all of my hard work off, so it just takes me forever to do anything. So that was really the scary thing about diving into this. It was something I knew I needed to do, but I had been avoiding because of not being able to really understand numbers like that.

Linzy [00:08:55] There’s a real barrier there. There’s not just mindset, it’s actually how your brain is structured.

Blair [00:08:59] Yes. And I think that’s what I love about being a therapist, is I figure things out about myself and then I share them with other people because I know I’m not alone. Like when I saw that diagnosis, when I was in grad school in the middle of class were reading it and I was like, Oh my Gosh, it has the name, I’m not alone. Other people struggle with this, and I talk about it with some of my clients who I know struggle with it and they’re like, Oh my gosh, I didn’t know it had a name, I didn’t know this was what it was, I didn’t know. Like, I’ve just always thought that something was wrong with me. It is a mindset thing, and it can be very, very emotional.

Linzy [00:09:37] And I know Blair, you’ve worked really hard over the last few months, really hard setting up systems and coming back to it, even when it was hard. So tell me, what is this looking like for you today?

Blair [00:09:50] I am shocked that this is about to come out of my mouth.

Linzy [00:09:55] Okay.

Blair [00:09:55] I am excited, truly excited. I engage with all of my bank accounts now, whereas before I was, I wasn’t scared because I knew I had money coming in, but I just didn’t know what to do with it. I was scared to almost spend money even if it was on things for my business. Like, I was like, Can I do this? Even though I had the money. And then the tax situation was just overwhelming to me. I had never done my own taxes, and I messed up this past year and didn’t understand certain things, and my accountant is great and she explained it to me, and that was when I knew I needed to, like, fix my systems. I was like, I can’t be going back and doing this, and I feel a lot more confident. I mean, there’s still a lot to work through and get used to as far as like having this system because I’ve really just finally set it up in the last few weeks. It took me a while to get all my money transferred over to certain accounts and make sure it cleared and all that. But I feel as soon as I did it, I celebrated. I was so excited when I knew everything was final. It just is a relief and that boost of confidence that even though this is something I’ve struggled with my entire life, I can do it. And if I can do it, anybody that’s listening, you can do it.

Blair [00:11:23] You’ve made so many gains and I want to dig into a second to like, what’s still not working and where you know, we can we can help to support you today. But I’m hearing like, you’ve come so far, which is so important to celebrate and I love that. And you emailed me a couple of weeks ago when you did kind of like come over the top of the hill and finally had everything set up to celebrate which which I love Blair, because I think so many therapisty type people, like we don’t necessarily celebrate. We’re just like, well, did a hard thing on to the next thing, you know? And I love that you’re savoring this, these gains you’ve made because they’re huge, they’re huge gains.

Blair [00:11:58] I mean, I celebrate everything. I celebrate everything with clients. Clients are like, I made the first step and it’s like a teeny tiny baby step and I am celebrating with them because that’s what helps us keep going. That’s my big thing, I love to celebrate, I can find any excuse to celebrate. Fortunately, I found a partner who also loves to celebrate the little things, so it’s exciting. There is still, I think it’s more mindset stuff to work through as far as when I think about visiting and having that date with my money every month to sort it out. It still puts a little bit of a knot in my stomach because I’ve only really done it once and not really all at once because I gradually moved money over because I wanted to make sure I had everything set up. I had like automatic payments coming out of my main account, and so I had to make sure all that money was moved into the appropriate account. Then I had to make a couple of phone calls, which I hate making phone calls, that’s an anxiety thing for me. So that was a big step as well, which they did not go nearly as bad as I thought they would. It’s that, working through that, I would say, anxiety of dispersing the money.

Linzy [00:13:16] So let’s lean into that a little bit, that anxiety but dispersing the money, you’re telling me, like you got like a knot in your stomach thinking about it. First of all, practically speaking, when is this coming up for you? When is your next like, monthly money date?

Blair [00:13:27] It’s at the end of the month.

Linzy [00:13:28] OK. So knowing that’s coming, there’s anxiety that goes with that. And Blair, can you tell me more about the anxiety? Like, what are you anticipating? What are the thoughts you notice?

Blair [00:13:40] I think I have a scarcity mindset, you know, and just afraid of not having enough. So it just kind of like working through that of, you know, there is that fear of going into my main account and it not being as much as I thought it would be or planned for. So it’s just that, those kinds of thoughts of like that anticipation and kind of working through that, of really starting to understand how much I’m making each month.

Linzy [00:14:11] Right. So I’m hearing you already have more, maybe knowledge in that area than you used to. And Blair like grounding to what you know, how is it going in terms of how much you’re making each month?

Blair [00:14:25] It’s going well, and I’m in the process of raising my rates, so I think my next steps are to use – I think there’s a tool that you provided of, like kind of playing around with your money about how much you want to make and how many – And it’s interesting because I have kind of a few different income streams, not just my private practice. I also work with Talkspace, so that’s a big chunk of change and I really can’t change my rates with that. I can accept more clients on there, but I can’t change the rate that they pay me, but that also allows me to hold a smaller caseload of clients. And so it’s really figuring out, kind of how to balance those two of like, how much I’m making on this side of Talkspace with that guaranteed income and then with raising my rates and kind of managing how many clients I want to take on, how much I want to work per week, all that kind of stuff. So I think that’s the process I’m in now where it’s like, I’ve got all my systems organized. Now I want to figure out how to kind of level up a little bit.

Linzy [00:15:34] Because what I’m hearing is, it sounds like the anxiety, like it’s not about the actual kind of skills of doing the things, but it’s about like, what will I see when I look at the number? Is it the number I want it to be or need it to be or is it less? Right.

Blair [00:15:49] And how can I push myself to get to that next level? And in a way that feels good because I’m a highly sensitive person too, and I can’t – I went to coffee with another therapist in town and she was like, Well, how many clients do you have on your caseload? And I paused and I was like, I mean, I get it, it’s an odd question, though for me because I don’t carry a huge like private practice caseload and I don’t want to because I’ve worked in community mental health where we were pushed to have 50 sessions a week. It felt like they wanted to, like, overbooked us so that if people canceled, we made up that time. And it was very overwhelming and stressful. That is the main reason I left there and went into my own practice because I wanted to be able to push myself. I didn’t want someone else driving the car while I’m over there freaking out and figuring -like backseat driving, basically and trying to figure it out. So I wanted to be a little more in control and I think now that I’ve gotten all this stuff in place now, it’s that new clients are at my new rate. It’s been a little unnerving when they reach out to me, and I’m one of those people that I’m very upfront about costs before someone starts with me because I don’t want them to feel like I’ve duped them. And so the first time I sent that new rate to a new client, they didn’t reply for a few days and I was like, Oh gosh, did I make the wrong decision? What am I doing? I was like, Let me do it with new clients first, and then I’ll have my current clients, I’ll increase their rate. Then, she replied back, and was like, Yeah, that sounds great. I just had to figure out my money situation, and I was like, Oh, OK, this is OK.

Linzy [00:17:39] Yeah, it sounds to me, Blair, like you’re standing at the edge of up leveling right? Or like optimizing your system, like you’ve built your system now to manage money, which has been a task, right? But now that you’re going to be managing it – first of all, what I’m hearing is there’s this kind of anticipatory anxiety of what you’re going to see, it’s getting real now. You can’t like try to pretend or ignore because every month you’re going to sit down and put money in the places that you want it to be. So, yeah, you can’t avoid. Right. So there’s that anticipatory anxiety that it’s not going to be what you want it to be, but I’m hearing you’re actually even already making moves to up level. So my question is, Blair, do you know the number you want to see?

Blair [00:18:18] Like that I want to make every year?

Linzy [00:18:19] Yeah.

Blair [00:18:20] And that’s what I’m playing with. But I think that’s the tool that I need to go back in and play with because obviously, when I was initially going through the money skills program, I played with it, I was like, Oh, this is fun, but I didn’t really apply it. I feel like now that I have everything set up, I am able to go back in and really think about, OK and really go in and plug in my actual numbers. I kind of plugged in tentative numbers that I had in my head. Now that I’m starting to change things, I can play with that a little more and figuring out how to figure out the Talkspace stuff. And I think I need to go in and kind of figure out on average, like, cause there’s so many different plans within that, you know, on average what I’m making for each client and there to kind of factor that. So it’s just playing with a lot of numbers, actually.

Linzy [00:19:14] Yeah, right. And I’m hearing like when you use this tool, this is a tool in the course called the Salary Play sheet. And when you first used it, it was kind of just like fun and you put in numbers that were kind of like, Yes, numbers. How does it feel now to be able to go back knowing your real numbers and being able to play with those.

Blair [00:19:31] It feels good. I feel encouraged. I’m a DVT therapist, so I’m all about like feeling both sides of everything. So I’m like, I feel excited and I also feel nervous, and it’s like, that’s OK to feel both of those things. There’s this confidence, kind of driving, I know how to do this, I’m the only one that’s pushing myself, and that’s OK, I can do this on my time. I mean, it took me a month to really get all of my money moved over, but I was like, This is me. Like, This is what I need to do. And I kind of have these voices going in my head of like, you need to have this done by these times. And I was like, No, I don’t, this is on my time. So I think that’s also what I’m having to like, talk down those like little monsters that want to creep up and tell you all the bad things about yourself. So it’s just kind of putting the fires out with those things.

Linzy [00:20:20] And I’m wondering, Blair, like, let’s talk through maybe a bit of, not the worst case scenario, but let’s say it does happen that you sit down at the end of this month and you see a number that is like a not enough number. And when I say a not enough number, I mean, like literally not enough for you to like, pay yourself the paycheck that you need to pay yourself. Right? Not this kind of like abstract, emotional, not enough, which is kind of like, I don’t know, it doesn’t – I don’t know what enough is. But I’m talking about the number that you found, that is the number that allows you to support your household. If you look at the number and it’s not that number, it’s lower than that number. What can you do?

Blair [00:20:54] Allow myself to feel that feeling and just to know that it’s OK. It’s like I try to practice what I preach to clients. It’s all right to feel that, like it’s all right to be like, Oh crap, like that – you know, this was a bad month, yeah. But it’s then going back and saying, OK, what can I change? Like what did I learn? What was I doing? Like, did I not plan? Did I take a vacation that I had not planned for? That kind of thing. It’s going back and reflecting and looking, and I think that’s really another part of this process that we do consider, but we don’t consider. You know, it’s -we’re thinking about, oh, we’re setting up all these systems, but within that, we’re thinking about our mindset along with those systems. It’s that kind of like understated thing.

Linzy [00:21:38] And like what I’m hearing there, Blair is like, if you notice that you’re not where you want to be and this is my trauma therapist lens, we all have our little our little lenses. It sounds like it’s an opportunity to be curious. It’s like, Oh, what happened this month? Like, what’s going on there? And also, Blair, like, I would kind of put it back to you that if you already kind of know you’re not where you want to be and you’re raising your rates and you’re looking at raising, you know, current clients and that stuff, it might just be an affirmation of the need to keep doing what you’re doing, which you already know you need to do. Right. It’s kind of like, can we sit with that pain of being real about our situation and being like, Well, shit, that’s not where I want to be. And I’m hearing, this is part of your philosophy is to be able to say that.

Blair [00:22:24] Yes. So just, sit with it. That’s what I always tell clients when they’re feeling like a yucky emotion, I’m like, Well, just sit with it for a minute, allow yourself to feel it. It’s like a body scan meditation. When you’re doing the tensing and the relaxing, it’s like, OK, you know what your body feels like when it’s tense. And then you also know what it feels like, when it’s relaxed. Same idea of like, just sit with it, allow yourself to feel it, feel that yuck, know that it’s not going to stay and then figure out how to move forward. I’m also reminding myself that I’m not really going to have a full picture of what this is going to look like immediately. This is going to take time, and that’s what my partner and I talk about because he’s working on paying off a lot of debt right now and really just driving forward with that. He constantly was saying like, That’s the hard part, you want it to happen quickly, but you also know that it takes time and all of these different factors come into play.

Linzy [00:23:21] Blair, what I’m noticing is you have like this anticipatory kind of, you know, like anxiety about what it’s going to be like to sit down and work on things. But I’m also hearing from you, like so much confidence, so much like, big picture thinking, so many skills you’ve already honed, right? Both through the work that you did in the course, but also like in your partnership, like the things that your partner and you are working out about how you want to manage money as a couple. There’s like so much growth and skills and what it makes me wonder is, is there like just maybe a part of you that hasn’t quite caught up yet to all the gains that you’ve made and the skills that you’ve built in, the systems you’ve put in place?

Blair [00:24:01] Probably, I would say, and it’s like a maturity thing. You know, it’s the skills I wish I would have learned when I was younger. I wish, you know, in all of my education, that they would have taught more practical business, everyday life skills. These practical life skills.

Linzy [00:24:19] The skills we actually need.

Blair [00:24:21] Yes, that we actually need for daily living. But I didn’t, you know, I learned some things, so I wasn’t completely left in the dark. But I’m learning them now, and that’s what’s important. You know, I didn’t have good money management skills before. Now I just turned 40 in May, so it’s like a new decade, new routines, new habits, like new growth, and so far it’s been great, I’ve actually really enjoyed it. And funny enough, I was working with a client yesterday on some money stuff that they were struggling with. And I was over here like taking notes and writing down their numbers and trying to help them figure out how to work out their solution to their problem and to talk about it with people in their life. And I was like, OK, like this – and they were like, at the end of the session, they were like, Gosh, I feel so much better. I feel a lot more confident going in to talk to like, the people I need talk to about this. They were like, based on your great math skills, and I literally just fell out laughing. I was like, that is the first time in my life I’ve ever heard that phrase, and they know because I’ve shared with them – I’m like, I struggle with math too, because they’ve always talked about how it’s been a hindrance to them. And so they said it and maybe they’re like, That’s why I said that because like, you really helped me to just crunch numbers.

Linzy [00:25:42] And I was wondering about that because I’m hearing all these gains, these systems. And we started by talking about your dyscalculia. So how are you understanding the fact that like, this shit is working for you? Even with this, I don’t know if you consider a diagnosis or even with how your brain works, these things are working for you. How are you making sense of that?

Blair [00:26:01] It’s just that I can do it on my own time and in my own way. Because like I said at the start, when I was in school, when I was younger, it was like, you had to do things this way. And if you had to show your work the way the teacher wanted it done, it was wrong, even if you got the right answer, which never made sense to me, I was like, It makes sense to – I’m all about visual. So I was like, It looks better this way.

Linzy [00:26:30] That’s the artist in you.

Blair [00:26:31] I have an art background, I’ve always been that way, it’s just the way I’m programmed. I was like, It looks pretty this way, and it’s still getting the same answer, why is it wrong? And I think through all of this, knowing I don’t have to fit into a box, I don’t have to do it on anybody else’s time. It’s my agenda, it’s the way I need to get it done. No one was pressuring me every time I transferred money and was waiting for it to clear I would talk to my partner about it. I’d be like, Oh, I’m waiting for that money to clear, just before I take the next step. And he’s like, good, great, awesome, you know, and I’m like, Oh, OK, like, that’s just that reassurance. It’s not that I needed that, but it was like that extra validation that I was taking the right steps. And even though it was taking me a long time to do it, it was moving in the right direction. I think that was what was important and it was on my terms.

Linzy [00:27:25] And it’s not about speed, right? Like you were saying earlier, right? Like, you know, what I’m hearing is like as a kid, you had to like, sit in a classroom, do things, you know, as they had to be done, the way that they needed you to do them, even if that didn’t make sense for your brain. And now, as an adult, you’ve come back to this, despite how daunting it was. And it sounds like you’ve really, not just like learned but really owned – like, you get to do it your way, on your time and you get to even like step away and come back when you need to. Right, like it’s that you’re not – this is not a top down anymore, you’re the boss of this now.

Blair [00:28:02] Yes. I own that money.

Linzy [00:28:05] Yes, exactly. So being connected to that, Blair, how are you feeling about the thought of sitting down at the end of the month and working on your money?

Blair [00:28:14] I’m really, again excited, is this the word that keeps coming up. It’s like I’m excited to see what’s happening so far, I’m excited to see where it’s going to go and like how much I actually made this month because I just got that income account down to zero, which was like a little bit like Woo, but I knew money was still coming in. So that was kind of the other thing where I was like, I have to realize like money is going to stop coming in because I’m still working. So it’s not like it’s going to fully be a zero and there’s going to be nothing in there. It’s like, OK, money is still being transferred over and coming in, and it’s like, this flow of money. It helps me and I’ve been a lot more conscientious about even like my personal spending, being a lot more aware of it, which I think is really, really key and a big thing in DVT is avoid avoiding. That was like a big thing I had to – I’m constantly preaching to my clients, they mock me all the time, joking and they’re like, I know, avoid avoidability. That’s true, though, and I have to practice what I preach. It’s a good thing about being a therapist, you can’t sit here and talk about it because then you’re like, I’m lying through my teeth. Like yeah, encourage someone else to do something that I’m not doing myself, even how it applies to me and so then I like – at the end of the day, I feel really guilty telling them to do something, and I’m like, I’m not doing that. I live in the mountains of North Carolina and I love to go hiking, so I like to think of these as like mountains. That money mountain was a really big one for me. And so it’s – now I’m kind of coming down off of peaking on that one, but going up another money mountain and addressing other things. And then within that, there’s all this other stuff like little rolling hills that you kind of have to embrace and conquer.

Linzy [00:30:09] You know, as we do these hard things. It does also give you the confidence to do other different hard things. The thing that you can do something that felt impossible.

Blair [00:30:18] Yes, that’s one of my favorite phrases from the lovely Glennon Doyle is that we can do hard things. You know, I constantly am chanting that in my head when I have to do something that feels overwhelming or difficult, it’s like I can do this. My brain wants to tell me this is dangerous and bad, scary, but my brain is a big, fat liar. And it’s not that scary and I can do it. I like to prove people wrong. And I think it’s been a lot of like proving myself wrong for so long. I told myself, you can’t do this, you don’t know what you’re doing. That imposter, you know, creeps in. And then it’s like, watch me.

Linzy [00:30:59] Yeah. And I will be curious, Blair, like after you do you like a few months of sitting down to work on your money, of like how much that anxiety is there anymore? Or if you really can just like kind of catch up to yourself and see like, oh yeah, that thing that used to feel true is not true anymore.

Blair [00:31:15] It’s not true anymore. Yeah. I have a feeling it will be the case.

Linzy [00:31:20] Yes. Me too. I think you’re like, you’re just at the cusp of kind of like really reaping what you sow. Well, thank you so much, Blair, for coming in and talking with me.

Blair [00:31:32] Thank you for having me.

Linzy [00:31:49] Something that really stuck out for me in this conversation with Blair, is that wisdom that she has around allowing yourself to feel the feeling, right, whether it’s that anticipatory anxiety that in her case was kind of mixed in with nervousness and excitement around money, or whether it’s actually seeing a number that you don’t like when you sit down to work on money. So often, those emotions that come up are the thing that make it so hard to work on money. Right, that’s the thing that spirals us into overwhelm and then we end up avoiding just to get away from that feeling. Right. But Blair’s conclusion, that it’s feeling the feeling, if you see something you don’t like and then going back and reflecting on, OK, why is this number like this this month? You know, being curious about it, taking action, that’s a totally different relationship to money, and that sets you up for a resilience to keep working on your money and to keep making changes, that month over month is really changing your financial picture, little by little. And I loved her reference to having that patience of knowing that it is already changing. It’s just giving time for those changes to really show themselves and unfold through, you know, the changes that she’s made to her fee, the system she set up, the clarity that she has in the way she’s directing money now, intentionally, which she wasn’t doing before. When I was talking to Blair, I really just remember having this sense of being so impressed and amazed by where she is, like where she’s gotten to compared to where she was when I first met her, and also just seeing that she’s just one step behind herself, right? Like that anxiety is almost left over from how she used to experience money and I’d actually be really curious where she is, you know, even a couple of months later, since we’ve recorded this conversation. Now, she’s had a couple more months to really feel her systems working and build up that tolerance with sitting down with her money and seeing her successes. If you would like more content from us, you can follow me on Instagram @moneynutsandbolts. And today’s episode is brought to you by my tax workshop, Saving Enough for Txes in 5 Simple Steps. This workshop is practical, it is emotional. You get a tool that’s pretty to help you figure out exactly how much to save for taxes. And I walk you through mind set pieces and practical steps to set up a tax saving system in your business that can start working for you now at the beginning of this year. So if you do not have taxes working for you, if tax time always feels like a huge stress, I really encourage you to check out the workshop. It’s free to get a tax system working for you now at the beginning of this financial year, your future self at the end of the year is really going to thank you, if you take the time to get these things working for you now. Thanks for listening today.

Hi, I'm Linzy

Hi, I'm Linzy

I’m a therapist in private practice, and a the creator of Money Skills for Therapists. I help therapists and health practitioners in private practice feel calm and in control of their finances.

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