[00:00:00] Hello and welcome back to another Feelings and Finances episode of the Money Skills for Therapists podcast. These are our short and sweet Friday episodes where I answer questions from you, the listeners of the Money Skills for Therapists podcast, the therapists and health practitioners and coaches who make up our lovely community.

[00:00:20] Linzy: Today’s question is from Annette, and here’s her question. 

[00:00:23] Annette: Hello. My question has to do with how do you get comfortable with asking your private pay rate? I am just starting to accept some patients on a private pay basis, and even though I have worked really hard, and done a lot of training, I believe in myself, I still struggle with asking for that rate. 

[00:00:46] Linzy: Thank you so much for your question, Annette, Thank you for bringing up this question. It is something that so, so, so many therapists struggle with: how do you ask for that rate?

[00:00:56] Linzy: There’s two pieces here, one is the external actual practical functional. How do you have those conversations with potential clients, or current clients, if you’re going to be increasing your rate? What are those conversations look like? And then the second part, of course, is that internal part, you know, how do you actually stick to it?

[00:01:15] Linzy: How do you not freak out? How do you manage all the feelings inside that come up when you have to have this, what can be a very hard and activating conversation with clients? So, on the front end, in terms of the practical piece of how do you ask, and maybe we should even change the phrasing around that, but it’s not “How do you ask? How do you inform? How do you share your rate?”

[00:01:38] Linzy: You’re not asking them. You’re letting them know what your rate is. And that is a rate that you have set, likely after much thoughtfulness and reflection and looking at your numbers and thinking about your experience and the impact that you have on your client’s lives.

[00:01:51] Linzy: So you’re not asking for that rate when you’re having this conversation with a potential client or a client; you are sharing your rate. And that might be a helpful place to start in terms of the framing of it. Because when we’re putting ourselves in a position of asking, there’s like a power piece there that immediately we are kind of putting ourself at that person’s mercy.

[00:02:11] Linzy: There’s a dynamic there that I think could be framed differently, which from the very start might help to have a more grounded way to come into this conversation. So you are sharing your rate with clients or potential clients. Ideally, that is something that either folks know before they come into, say, a consult with you.

[00:02:31] Linzy: So it’s not totally new information. But if you decide that you would rather have conversations with people first, then the actual how of it is easier said than done, which is share your rate and then stop talking, right? Our tendency, generally, when we share something and we’re uncomfortable about it is to keep talking, right?

[00:02:50] Linzy: We say, okay, so my rate is $185 an hour. But if that’s too high for you then we can always talk about it. And, I know you mentioned some financial stress. We tend to go in and immediately basically discount our rate, right? If we keep talking because then those parts of us that are starting to feel activated, and anxious and panicked can immediately go to undo the work that we just did.

[00:03:11] Linzy: Right? Which is like, we just shared our rate. We need to give people time to react and respond. So stating your rate calmly as a fact, not a question. It’s difficult. I listen back to my own podcast sometimes, and I am an uptalker despite all the work that I’ve done on self-esteem and recognizing the value of what I do.

[00:03:29] Linzy: Stating it as a statement, and my rate is $185 an hour. Stop talking. See what happens. Let them digest. Let them respond, right? It’s hard to say those words, but you might find that the reaction that you get when you actually give them time to respond is completely fine. Like, “Oh, okay, great. That sounds good. When can I start seeing you?”

[00:03:48] Linzy:  Or if you’re informing them of a fee increase,”I wanted to let you know, starting on April 1st, my fee is going to be $185 an hour.” Stop talking. See what they say. I’ve had clients say, “Good for you.” before. Or, “Sure. Yeah. That sounds fine.” Like it’s a non-event for them.

[00:04:07] Linzy: Right? And often our own feelings are so much of the activation that comes into that dynamic. It’s actually us. It’s not them, right? It’s our own fears and not good enough and all the parts of us that have been freaking out anticipating this conversation that bring this kind of intensity to it that might not even be there for your client, frankly.

[00:04:26] Linzy: So that’s the first thing is giving them the chance to respond and react. And in that second scenario that I just gave, I gave a date, which would be a future date. And my general policy when raising fees with clients is giving them at least two months notice. That gives somebody enough time to process the information, to bring questions to you later, to let you know where they’re at.

[00:04:48] Linzy: And worst case scenario, it gives somebody time to close off their work with you. If they’re like, Annette, I love working with you, but I just don’t have the money. And you’ve already done your math, Annette, and you know you can’t have more sliding scale spots than you already have, or you can’t have any sliding scale spots right now, then you’re able to say, you know, I’m sorry to hear that, I’m going to miss working with you, but let’s find you somebody else who’s going to be a great fit for you.

[00:05:10] Linzy: And I always reminded myself, too, when I was having to close with clients for whatever reason, be it that, they don’t want to pay my fee, you, they’ve decided that the work is not worth it for them at that level, or they can’t pay my fee, or I’ve closed my practice a couple of other times for a couple of other reasons…

[00:05:25] Linzy: I always remind myself that there might actually be a therapist or a health practitioner out there for them that’s an even better fit than I am. That can serve them even better than I could. Maybe I’ve taken them to a certain place in our work and there’s something right in front of my face that I can’t see because of my own history, and who I am, or my blind spots as a clinician that they’ll go see the next person who’s like, “Hey, have you ever been assessed for OCD?”

[00:05:46] Linzy: And I’ve never thought of that, right? Them going to somebody else is not necessarily actually a bad thing for them. It might be a good thing for them in the long run. So always having that openness, too, that there’s other folks in the universe who are providing great service besides you, I found, has always been comforting for me when there does have to be clinical closure in relationships.

[00:06:06] Linzy: But then on the other side, that internal piece, right? You have now stated the fees; you’ve let them respond. You have stopped talking. You’ve given a good amount of notice of this as a fee increase. In the internal part of the work, which is not work you’re going to do in that moment, it’s work you’re going to do around these moments, it’s noticing why is this so hard for you, right?

[00:06:27] Linzy: What is coming up for you? What does this activate for you? Is this about not good enough? Is it that it’s not safe to take up space? Is it fear of being abandoned? What is activated in you that needs to be attended to that actually isn’t about your clients? It’s about your family of origin. It’s about your history; it’s about your patterns; it’s about your own fears and vulnerabilities and anxieties that you can attend to outside of these conversations, right?

[00:06:51] Linzy: You can spend time with these things that you notice. You can do internal parts work. You can take it to therapy, you can talk to friends about it, you can do some journaling, you know, there’s so many ways that we can take care of these, these parts of us that come up, that do need attention and do need to be attended to, and that is our work to do, right, is to be with those fears and vulnerabilities, and approach those parts of us with compassion, and let them catch up to where we are in time, and let your whole system, you know, come on board with the reality of where you are in your career and all that you’ve done, and all the skills you’ve acquired, and how good of a therapist you are.

[00:07:30] Linzy: I find it can be helpful too, to think about your most successful clients. Who are those people who you absolutely changed their life, and there is no question that the work you do with them is worth 185 an hour, or 200 an hour? Whatever. 300 an hour. Because how can you put a value on changing the quality of somebody’s entire life and therefore the ripple effects on all the relationships around them?

[00:07:53] Linzy: You know, I think the work that good therapists and good health practitioners do when we’re doing quality work, we are literally changing people’s lives for the rest of their life, right? And the value of that is almost infinite. Of course, people don’t have infinite money, so we still need to think about markets, and what makes sense in a certain context.

[00:08:10] Linzy: But yeah, I find that that, for me, can also be grounding when I am worried about pricing, is to remind myself of those people who are the best fit, who do the work, you know, and who are the exact target people that I’m looking for. This is worth more than this much money to them. Right? This can be worth infinite money to them when you really have the right click with the right person.

[00:08:33] Linzy: So those are my thoughts for you. You know, there’s that external piece and how you manage these conversations. There’s that internal piece and taking care of yourself, and I’m just sending you lots of good energy, Annette, as you are continuing to have these conversations with clients, and sharing with them your fee. I think you’ve probably put a lot of thought into getting there.

[00:08:51] Linzy: So just sharing that information with your clients, allows you to have rich clinical conversations, and ultimately allows you to get paid what you need to get paid to be well in this work. Thank you so much for your question, Annette. If you, like Annette, have a question for me that you’d like me to answer on an upcoming episode of Feelings and Finances, all you need to do is click on the link in the show notes, or head over to our podcast page.

[00:09:13] Linzy: You will see a little widget there to record a question for Linzy. You just need to press record, share your name, share your question, and I would be happy to answer it on an upcoming episode. Thank you so much for joining me today.